| disgust |
[Dec. 7th, 2022|10:36 am] |
disgust with that site
disgust with what i become
disgust with what i do
disgust with everything |
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| observation |
[Mar. 18th, 2021|11:29 am] |
while "other people" are managing work, the cluster
I am busy managing myself.
maybe they also manage themselves
but see themselves as a part of the work, cluster.
i don't see myself as a part of this work.
i see myself as totally separate. |
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| NOW and HERE |
[Jul. 7th, 2020|09:59 am] |
here and now is the best time and place to be...
i wish i had known that before - that wherever and whenever i was - it was the best time to be |
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[Feb. 27th, 2020|04:30 pm] |
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я забыл то что я люблю... а решил ненавидеть то что я люблю. |
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| another so now. |
[Feb. 24th, 2020|12:04 pm] |
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sometimes i feel like i'v becum moar ov an asshole. |
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| stinks like cum |
[Jan. 16th, 2020|12:17 pm] |
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my fingers |
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| falling |
[Dec. 19th, 2019|10:22 am] |
am i really falling by the wayside?
so much going on that i should be aware of that i am not. |
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| Acceleration |
[Nov. 20th, 2019|11:36 am] |
Life is accelerating
Is the end near? Or the beginning? |
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| my graetest joy |
[Nov. 17th, 2019|02:13 pm] |
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to help others solve the problems that i already solved. |
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| but what kinda sucks |
[Jul. 29th, 2019|04:31 pm] |
is that i don't know what to do now!
cut up some old notes, mix them up, and see what it really says.... |
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| Ш.Б. не давала мне спать вчера. |
[Jul. 8th, 2019|02:33 pm] |
сегодня утром - я немного стеснялся nathahot делать своё...
а потом её увидел она совершенно голая была и пипку свою торочила |
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[Feb. 4th, 2019|12:44 pm] |
yea no good
something has to be done.
what
i need to rise above
i was rising above and forgetting to do so
now...
no
i can't continue like this
i need to use this extra bout of help from ML to not get comfortable.
need to cut down on all unnecessary comforts
what are they?
1. going out to eat unless really necessary, like if we're far from home and very hungry
2. buying stuff thats not needed for house, for work or elijah
3. cute things
put up on sale or give away
- stroller
- baby carrier backpack |
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| ФАК2 |
[Dec. 17th, 2018|02:42 pm] |
what is the problem?
i want to bring 5 machines back online - they were added to a chassis - they're old and out of warantee.
so i want to try install them
i can't because idrac is so old i can't connect to console
not that i need to have console to install.
i need them in xcat
i just want to get to the console
but i can't
it won't open
i think its because the bios and idrac verisons are so old
so i think i need to update
i can't seem to do it.
scott does it all the time
but i can't
and that kills me
why can't i
i get into this spiral of inadequacy.
and i become paralyzed
and then all that stuff about not getting fsa done
and insurance is on the line
and all sorts of things start bombarding me
my brain my thoughts are in pain
causing pain
"i taught them the onion method"
it was a dream i had last night
very profound |
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| strange sickness |
[Nov. 19th, 2018|04:27 pm] |
is affecting my ability to speak & think...
first of all, my head feels heavy,
sinuses are often blocked
speech is strained |
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| оцепенение |
[Oct. 1st, 2018|11:13 am] |
опять это оцепенение...
начинается .... с дыхания..
дыхание становится очень мелким и быстрым
всё превращается в побег от какой-то беды.
тот стимул который вызвал такое состояние начинает накапливать значимость, и с собой раздражение и в конце или срыв или организм просто отказывает и засыпает или просто наступает усталость. |
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| what |
[Apr. 4th, 2018|10:48 am] |
im like waiting... for what?
surfing right wing sites
milo
alex jobes
anything thats not requireing volume
as i am on a laptop and no headphones...
i don't want to use
it keeps me from getting too into it.
but perhaps i will...
what else is there to do now?? |
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| struggling to keep my eyes open |
[Dec. 14th, 2017|01:58 pm] |
well stop struggling.
let them stay open naturally
let yohr head rest naturally on your shoulders
smell all theer is sto mell |
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| ...all to preserver fear |
[Jun. 27th, 2017|10:54 am] |
you will fight
you will sneer
you will accuse
you will blame
you will steal
you will hide
--- all to preserve fear!
this happens on the macro and micro scale.
thoughts while working, while facing issues or problems
as well as major life decisions.
but of course it all starts with a thought.
a thought starts with a.... feeling?
a feeling starts with a stimulus
apply the right stimulus at the right time to create the desired change.
that's like relying on the butterfly effect to water your lawn. |
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| im like that guy on the couch |
[Feb. 23rd, 2017|02:45 pm] |
just sleeps there
doesnt pay rent
nobody knows who he is
where he came from
and what hes doing. |
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