НАХУЙ БЛЯДЬ!

disgust

disgust with that site
disgust with what i become
disgust with what i do
disgust with everything

observation

while "other people" are managing work, the cluster
I am busy managing myself.
maybe they also manage themselves
but see themselves as a part of the work, cluster.

i don't see myself as a part of this work.

i see myself as totally separate.

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NOW and HERE

here and now is the best time and place to be...
i wish i had known that before - that wherever and whenever i was - it was the best time to be

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я забыл то что я люблю... а решил ненавидеть то что я люблю.

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another so now.

sometimes i feel like i'v becum moar ov an asshole.

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stinks like cum

my fingers

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falling

am i really falling by the wayside?
so much going on that i should be aware of that i am not.

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Acceleration

Life is accelerating
Is the end near? Or the beginning?

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my graetest joy

to help others solve the problems that i already solved.

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Ш.Б. не давала мне спать вчера.

сегодня утром - я немного стеснялся nathahot делать своё...
а потом её увидел она совершенно голая была и пипку свою торочила

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yea no good
something has to be done.
what
i need to rise above
i was rising above and forgetting to do so
now...
no
i can't continue like this
i need to use this extra bout of help from ML to not get comfortable.

need to cut down on all unnecessary comforts
what are they?
1. going out to eat unless really necessary, like if we're far from home and very hungry
2. buying stuff thats not needed for house, for work or elijah
3. cute things

put up on sale or give away
- stroller
- baby carrier backpack

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оцепенение

опять это оцепенение...

начинается .... с дыхания..

дыхание становится очень мелким и быстрым

всё превращается в побег от какой-то беды.

тот стимул который вызвал такое состояние начинает накапливать значимость, и с собой раздражение и в конце или срыв или организм просто отказывает и засыпает или просто наступает усталость.

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what

im like waiting... for what?

surfing right wing sites
milo
alex jobes
anything thats not requireing volume
as i am on a laptop and no headphones...
i don't want to use
it keeps me from getting too into it.

but perhaps i will...
what else is there to do now??

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struggling to keep my eyes open

well stop struggling.
let them stay open naturally
let yohr head rest naturally on your shoulders
smell all theer is sto mell

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...all to preserver fear

you will fight
you will sneer
you will accuse
you will blame
you will steal
you will hide
--- all to preserve fear!

this happens on the macro and micro scale.
thoughts while working, while facing issues or problems
as well as major life decisions.

but of course it all starts with a thought.
a thought starts with a.... feeling?
a feeling starts with a stimulus

apply the right stimulus at the right time to create the desired change.
that's like relying on the butterfly effect to water your lawn.

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im like that guy on the couch

just sleeps there
doesnt pay rent
nobody knows who he is
where he came from
and what hes doing.

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snapshot

listen to https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LAAXT_3AaOs

for concentration and block out taking.

when I hear N's voice i feel anxiety.

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i know i should be working now but

thoughts are just pouring out of me and need to be cleaned up before they cause any mischief.

a couple of days ago, never mind how many, i realized that what i seek is a universal type of knowledge that is applicable to all of my endeavors from programming, to human relations, to music, to martial arts, to society, finances, writing, driving, work, meditation, household........

then i realized that everyone *must* have that knowledge within them already because without that no form of knowledge is possible.
why is that?
.....
answering this question is left as an exercise to "the reader".

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psychotic elation

all of a sudden I am elated
I am lifted from my misery
from my anxiety
and I am godlike again.

what brought it on?

what prevented me from leaving here?

thoughts dissipate

clouds reveal the blue sky

the need for control disappears

a sense of being able to do anything

the fading away of doubt

the arrival of certainty

excitement about the future

knowledge of the infinite

attainment of possibilities

LIGHT

LIFE

LOVE

LIBERTY

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noli aquino....

dear william u do not know my friend. she is lost, but not physically. i do not want to tell maricel all, and u will see y:

my friend Mabunga is confined in the VSMMC psychiatric ward. she is violent and suicidal. she lost her mind after she tried to look for u because she wants to find out what happened to her friend Heather who killed herself after her search for her gf Luna who disappeared without a trace.

Luna was searching for u. she wanted to become ur gf.

as u see, to save my friend i must find out what happened to her, and i need ur help, since ur in d center of it.

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