Nancy, people in your condition simply don't have working certain parts of the brain responsible for understanding such complex intersocial concepts. It's like not having sight or sense of smell. You just can't. So don't bust your arse trying to understand (and moreover "explain") something that is basically inaccessible to you from the world of neurotypical people.
You're just an aging balding russian crossdresser with incurable psychiatric defects, genetic waste. Nobody gives a shit whether you're evil or not.