У тебя враги это лень и безделье. Учись чему-нибудь, тогда и глупых мыслей не будет.

important только твоя жизнь. Остальное не имеет значения.

>Taking feminine form is expectation management.

That's using a conservative eastern European social constructs of female expectations. It's like you are still a prisoner of Russia. Could have been a bald femboy, or whatever faggotry is being mainstreamed now in the west.

>Otherwise there is no reason to transition.

That's the key, you despise masculinity to have a reason to transition into a woman. And you initiated the transitioning into a woman due to the ingrained homophobia and the resulting self-hate, also to protect yourself from deportation.

Like with your switch from entrepreneurial ultra-capitalism into some commie anti-competitiveness, all these "I despise" proclamations are superficial ideological tools, hats you wear, to feel good about the already chosen direction.

And femininity isn't about "despising masculinity" btw. Femininity is wanting to fuck with masculine dudes, wanting to make the most masculine and reliable dude your own. Everything else is deviancy.

It seems like you were forced to become woman due to ingrained homophobia against femboys.