Tuesday, September 23rd, 2008

Time	Event
1:16a	on the financial crisis Let it burn baby, let this shit burn. Throwing a trillion into the septic tank they still dare to call financial services industry as in some sadistic twist mocking the dipshits who believe that anyone is being serviced other than the financial professionals themselves. The whole sector is essentially a giant free buffet of quality snacks for anyone with the pass to stuff their faces at. I am kind of a bus boy whose job is to ensure that the white collars get their free organic health food in a timely and orderly fashion. I also have the pass in a sense, to complete the analogy, which is privileging me to have the leftovers and thus securing my everlasting loyalty to the system. I may be simply jealous of the pigfuckers, a loser, who didn't make the cut for the actual business, a disgusted observer or all of the above, but I know what I'm talking about. Enough with poetry. I have a much cheaper solution to the financial crisis. Here it is. What's called "Wall Street" employs 1.5 million people, 10% of which (or 150,000) will lose their "jobs". Let's say that instead of bailing any of them out and in the unprecedented display of wisdom and generosity the US taxpayers give them 1,000,000 bucks each so that they would just shut the fuck up and leave. That's 150 billion dollars and we'll never hear from them again because they will open gas stations, convenience stores, massage parlors or just plain fucking retire. The rest will continue to trudge along directing their unbridled creativity to finding new ways to fuck others out of their money. So, 150 billion versus 1 trillion .. I have just saved a shitload of cash to the United States. Actually, 1,000,000 each seems like a fucking lot for all their good works ... half that much should suffice. As always this wonderfully elegant solution will never be implemented. We are instead doomed to eat shit and suffer. Fuck update: if you like this idea vote for it on reddit (4 Comments | Comment on this)
11:29p	democracy For quite a few years now I've been saying this to friends, my russian-speaking buddies in New York City. I've been proud of inventing the concept but wouldn't care to claim the rights until I've observed the gems of my thought sparkling through the vulgarities of the latest Bill Mahr's show. That's when I decided to spring into action before it's too late and the treasure drowns in the cesspool of late night premium cable talk, and tell the world. We all have noticed that most of the major economic and political world powers increasingly have their exports dominated by one commodity. For example, Saudi Arabia and Russia contribute natural energy resources, China, India and the rest of the developing world - man power. But what about the United States? What does the US export. An untrained eye will spot two major items: paper money (in the form of various debt) and democracy. Democracy exports itself in a multitude of forms ranging from 101 airborne and mobile aircraft carrier groups to the freedom inducing flow of ideological infomercials. It really does work like an exported commodity once you add the second component to this model. When democracy arrives to some questionable place such as Russian Federation or PRC it is the delivery. The first phase of the transaction, at which point U.S.A. have invested in fuel and parts for the aircraft, missiles and ships, liberty broadcast, recruiting efforts and salaries to service men and civilian contractors. Note, only customers rich in some form of resources have been buying democracy lately, so they all have something to pay for it with. Democracy replicates itself on the local soil, creates familiar financial and political institutions and mechanisms and before we know it the new installation is pumping something useful and selling it for something tangible. They all quickly build up liquid reserves, which as mandated by their democratic and prudent governing bodies must stay very liquid regardless of the sum. The only thing more constant than the speed of light in absolute vacuum is the credit rating of US Treasury debt paper. So the stupid fuckers naturally have nothing better to keep their shit in than our bonds and various other mickey mouse trash our democracy is willing to sell to theirs. This is like selling someone a car while also owning all gas stations in the neighborhood. We win. Is there a conspiracy here? No way. I don't believe in conspiracies much less in ones by greedy, lazy and often incompetent corporate pigfuckers (if the CEOs of everything that's on the ropes lately are competent then why are their businesses so fucked). So that's how it is. No evil, nobody is guilty just the natural order of things. Forever and ever. And by the way - try changing it - it will get much worse for everyone involved. (2 Comments | Comment on this)

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