_me:

THE PIANO HAS BEEN DRINKING
Tom Waits

            The piano has been drinking, my necktie is asleep
            And the combo went back to new york, the jukebox has to take a leak
            And the carpet needs a haircut, and the spotlight looks like a prison break
            And the telephone's out of cigarettes, and the balcony is on the make
            And the piano has been drinking, the piano has been drinking...

            And the menus are all freezing, and the light man's blind in one eye
            And he can't see out of the other
            And the piano-tuner's got a hearing aid, and he showed up with his mother
            And the piano has been drinking, the piano has been drinking
            As the bouncer is a sumo wrestler cream-puff casper milktoast
            And the owner is a mental midget with the i.q. of a fence post
            'cause the piano has been drinking, the piano has been drinking...

            And you can't find your waitress with a geiger counter
            And she hates you and your friends and you just can't get served without her
            And the box-office is drooling, and the bar stools are on fire
            And the newspapers were fooling, and the ash-trays have retired
            'cause the piano has been drinking, the piano has been drinking
            The piano has been drinking, not me, not me, not me, not me, not me