Sometimes people ask La Russophobe why she's a russophobe. Her answer is often: The question is not why is she one, but why aren't you?

Callingyourself a "russophobe" is a wonderful way to bring out the best in a"russophile." A russophile is someone who says we need to "understand"Russia's bad points and give Russia "time" to overcome its bad luck,because there is so much that is wonderful about Russia. Yet,russophiles have no such "understanding" or "time" for russophobes.Isn't it ironic?

And we should define "russophobe" beforedeciding whether we are one or not. This is a person who hates whatRussia is today, and hates most of all that it is the Russian peoplethemselves who are responsible for making Russia what it is today, yetthey accept no blame and receive virtually none from patronizing,cowardly outsiders. This is a person who wants Russia to changeradically, to become unrecognizable and hence unworthy of hatred -- inshort, a success. Or, at least, to last out the century.

Next, weshould deal with one of the most common Russophile attacks on theRussophobe, namely the bizarre claim that telling the truth aboutRussia will only alienate and polarize Russians -- i.e., you catch moreflies with honey than with vinegar. The very notion that Russians arecapable of suddenly turning to dicatorship and cold war, but if theyhear the right sweet words will not do so, is so utterly repellant anidea, and so patronizing to the Russians, that it can only come fromthe crazed Russophile camp. Sounds just like what Chamberlain saidabout Hitler. La Russophobe will not go there. Does the worldtreat America this way? Of course not. Do russophiles call for suchtreatment? Of course not. Yet suddenly America should deal with Russiawith appeasement and flattery? Please. Give La Russophobe a break.

Here, then, are La Russophobe'sTop 10 reasons for being a russophobe (readers are welcome to add more,or to try to put forth reasons why one should be a russophile):

10

Russian cuisine is wretched. Russian cuisine is so grossand unreformed it can't even make headway in New York City, with agiant population of Russians. Most dishes which it claims as "Russian"are in fact merely coopted from other countries. You would think that acuisine so insanely unhealthy would at least be full of guility tastepleasures. Think again.

9

Russians are greedy and arrogant. Impoverished Russia has the world's highest-paid female athlete, Maria Sharapova, but she donates less than 0.5% of her astronomical incometo charity and virtually nothing to Russia. Nobody says a thing aboutit, and Russia chose Sharapova to front its recent Olympic bid.

8

Russia is sick and doesn't care. By 2020, 10% of the Russian population will be infected with AIDS. 300,000 people are killed by cigaretteseach year, which cost less than a quarter a pack. President Putinbarely mentions these topics in his speeches and does nothing seriousabout them, yet his support continues at nosebleed levels even asRussians become extinct.

7

Russians are lazy and inefficient. Russia's GDP is smaller than that of tiny Netherlands. Its per capita GDP is exceeded by Uruguay.

6

Sports and Russia are like oil and water. FIFA. Tennis. Waterpolo. Figure skating. Ice Hockey. Disasters, everywhere you turn.

5

Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin. Theman actually said once with a straight face that there is not onesingle person in the whole FSB who could be capable of having plantedbombs in Russian apartment buildings to stir up support for the war inChechnya. He stole his PhD disseration. He has a secret resume. He'sthe worst possible thing for Russia imaginable.

4

Russians are crazed authoritarians. In a recent public opinion poll, no candidate received more support to become Russia's next president than the maniacal Vladimir Zhirinovsky (who, by the way, Russians also named their country's sexiest man).Russiahas never once in a thousand years transferred power between rivalpolitical factions by means of an election. Russia is still singing the musicof the anthem of the USSR, a totally failed state that caused thedeaths of far more Russians than all the country's foreign enemiescombined. Two-thirds of Russians believethat Vladimir Putin will break the Constitution and continue in power,so they conclude the Constitution should be changed to let him remainin power legally.

3

Nobody likes Russia. America, supposedly loathed by the world, has five times more international tourist arrivals than Russia.

2

Russia is insanely aggressive and militaristic. Russia still has the draft and a giant nuclear arsenal. Russia has been fighting a war against Chechnya for years, and is supplying rogue nations with weapons,including weapons of mass destruction. Russia is providing aid andcomfort to terrorist regimes in Iran and Palestine, yet any support byforeigners for Chechnya is viewed as outrageous.

1

Russia hates families, especially women and children. Domestic violence kills one Russian woman every 40 minutes.Ten times more Russian women are killed by their husbands than Americanwomen by theirs, although America has twice Russia's population Thatmeans a woman's chances of being killed by her husband are twenty timesgreater if she is a Russian. More than 1,200 adopted children have been murdered by their parents in Russia since 1991. The general murder rate in Russia is the fifth highest in the world even though the secret police run its government.