| Vladimir Vladimirovich 20050204-1 (Basaev's death) |
[Feb. 4th, 2005|09:05 pm] |
Russian original by Maxim Kononenko (c)
http://vladimir.vladimirovich.ru
One day Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin was sitting in his Kremlin office and watching TV. There, Yulia Vladimirovna Timoshenko was giving a speech from the podium of the Ukraine's parliament.
"The only light in the world," said Yulia Vladimirovna, "is now Ukraine!"
Vladimir Vladimirovich smirked and switched the channel. The President of the United States George Bush appeared on the screen.
"I applaud free and democratic elections," said George Bush, "that took place in Ukraine, Iraq, and Palestine."
Surprised, Vladimir Vladimirovich raised his brows and switched the channel again. The Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice appeared on the screen.
"Among the new free nations, said Condoleezza Rice, "I can name Afghanistan, Palestinian Territories, and Ukraine."
"They’re mocking us," muttered Vladimir Vladimirovich and turned off the TV.
Suddenly, the tall office doors opened, and Vladislav Yurievich Surkov, Deputy Chief of Staff, Administration, briskly entered the room, carrying in his hands a large wooden box.
"What’s this?" asked Vladimir Vladimirovich, surprised.
"Just a sec," replied Vladislav Yurievich, placing the box on the desk.
Vladimir Vladimirovich considered the box with some interest.
Vladislav Yurievich opened the box and took out two beautiful platinum eggs with gold double-headed eagles on their paunchy sides.
"Wow," sad Vladimir Vladimirovich. "Is it Faberge?"
"The State Mint," replied Vladislav Yurievich. 'The important stuff is inside.'
Vladislav Yurievich opened the left egg.
Inside the egg was a black velvet pad with a large rusty Roma needle stuck into it.
"What’s this?" asked Vladimir Vladimirovich again.
"Dracula’s death," said Vladislav Yurievich. "Top Secret."
"Kidding me," said Vladimir Vladimirovich, "You mean that was not a fantasy?"
"The real thing. No time for fantasies," said Vladislav Yurievich opening the second egg.
Inside the egg was a green velvet pad, this time with a large gold needle stuck into it.
"What’s this," inquired Vladimir Vladimirovich.
"Basaev’s death," replied Vladislav Yurievich.
"Gosh...," said Vladimir Vladimirovich, stunned. "How does work?"
"Turn on the TV," said Vladislav Yurievich.
And now watch, said Vladimslav Yurievich, taking the needle from the egg and slightly bending it with his fingers.
Immediately, a nice lady appeared on the screen and said exciteldy, "The leadership of the Chechen republic does not exclude the possibility that the infamous warlord Shamil Basav was killed back in mid-January."
Vladislav Yurievich released the needle.
"However," said the lady instantly, "this is not the first time that his death is being reported."
"Cool!" exhaled Vladimir Vladimirovich. "Let me try it!"
"Listen, Brotha," said Vladislav Yurievich, "here’s the truth - you can only break the needle once."
"So what?" asked Vladimir Vladimirovich.
"So, Shamil will die," replied Vladislav Yurievich.
"But we want him to die," said Vladimir Vladimirovich. "Don’t we?"
"We do, said Vladislav Yurievich. "Nevertheless, I would like you to weigh the consequences very carefully."
"Ok," said Vladimir Vladimirovich, "I’ll weigh them."
"I leave it all to you," said Vladislav Yurievich and turned to go.
"Listen, Brotha," said Vladimir Vladimirovich, his words trailing.
"What?" asked Vladislav Yurievich.
"I didn’t know," said Vladimir Vladimirovich nodding toward the left egg, "that Dracula is too... one of those..." And Vladimir Vladimirovich nodded toward the right egg.
"You better lock Dracula up in the closet right away," advised Vladislav Yurievich, "it’s been our strategic resource for hundreds of years now."
"I understand," whispered Vladimir Vladimirovich respectfuly.
Vladislav Yurievich left the room. |
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