And the Pursuit of Happiness - каждая несчастливая семья несчастлива ... одинаково [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Евгений Вассерштром

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каждая несчастливая семья несчастлива ... одинаково [Feb. 19th, 2007|04:33 pm]
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Four major emotional predictors of divorce ( 92% probability) detected during 10-minute series of conversations about family conflicts between spouses ( of western culture):

1. Criticism ( instead of praising; criticise 10 times more often than happy couples).
2. Contempt ( sneering, asymmetrical tightening of lips )
3. Defensiveness ( tit-for-tat)
4. Stonewalling ( non-communication; suppression - work by James Gross )

From the study of Levinson(?) and Gutmann(?) ( need to look it up) "Four horses of marital apocalypse".

Emotional "exits" for happy couples:
1. Play and laughter
2. Respect & equality ( do not allow for "loss of face") ( Dickerson and Kimeny(?) review - 2004 )
3. Forgiveness ( stress dissipation; capitalization - reciprocate on positive - Shelly Gabel (?)) cf. improvisation.
4. Disclosure, sharing of feelings.

"Five good acts for every bad one".
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Comments:
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From:[info]irinaklay@lj
Date:February 19th, 2007 - 09:13 pm
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you live you learn ...
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From:[info]watertank@lj
Date:February 19th, 2007 - 09:52 pm
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the funny thing is that my mom taught me these principles few year ago in a very non-scientific manner :)
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From:[info]irinaklay@lj
Date:February 20th, 2007 - 12:42 am
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for me it took one marriage :) too bad there are no studies on how to avoid mistakes...
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From:[info]watertank@lj
Date:February 20th, 2007 - 01:37 am
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fortunately, studies on how to avoid mistakes do exist. the course i am listening right now would be a good example. but, you know, people still like believing in easy solutions to difficult problems. a couple of days ago i discovered that the secret to man's love is anal sex :) one of the top posts in russian lj! not that anal sex is bad. it's just if everybody does it, then there's no advantage for a woman to offer this particular kind of pleasure. a perfect self-defeating sex strategy sold as a "секс-секрет, привораживающий мужчин."
i haven't laughed that hard in a while.