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"Sarah Palin put her head in her hands and closed her eyes. Well, this was it, she thought. The metaphorical 3am phone call had arrived. Although, as she had often said, when it was 3am in Washington it was still yesterday in Alaska.

"Russian marines are already en route from Abkhazia to Sevastopol," General Bradley Cheeseburger continued grimly. "If they seize the Crimea there will be civil war in Ukraine proper, which of course is exactly what Putin wants." "We need to commit our forces now," added secretary of defence Troy Zbdgrnkvwrcz.

Palin breathed deeply and tried to concentrate. What would Jesus do? He certainly wouldn't abort, that was for darn sure.

Lifting her head, she stared at the picture of President McCain staring back from its black-edged frame on the Oval Office wall. Poor John. After all those worries about his health, who could have guessed he would be accidentally shot by Dick Cheney?"

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