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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in nancygold's LiveJournal:

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    Tuesday, January 24th, 2023
    5:22 pm
    Ready for the Russia's collapse!
    I'm finally home!! After 5+ years.
    Wish me luck with everything else.
    First of all saving enough money for SRS and FFS.

    Current Mood: amused
    Sunday, January 8th, 2023
    9:42 pm
    Gay Sparta
    The reason 300 omits this extremely vital aspect of Spartan warriors’ appearance is because, in twenty-first-century American culture, it is considered “effeminate” for men to wear their hair long and spend a lot of time styling it. This, however, was clearly not the case in ancient Sparta.

    Ancient Greek depictions of warriors with long hair show them wearing their hair in what appear to be long, intricate braids that come midway down their backs. It is extremely likely that this is how many Spartiate men wore their hair.

    ABOVE: Photograph of an ancient Greek statue of a warrior wearing his hair in long, intricate braids that come midway down his back. This is how many Spartiate men probably wore their hair.

    The later Greek writer Ploutarchos of Chaironeia (lived c. 46 – after c. 119 AD) similarly emphasizes that Spartiate men were known for wearing their hair long and that they were extremely attentive to making sure it looked good, especially before battle. He writes in his Life of Lykourgos 22.1, as translated by Richard J. A. Talbert:

    “It was in wartime that they relaxed the harshest elements of the young men’s training: they did not stop them grooming their hair and decorating their clothes and weapons, but were pleased at the sight of them like horses prancing and neighing before a contest. So they wore their hair long as soon as they had passed the age of ephebes; they took particular care over it in the face of danger, making it look sleek and combing it. They bore in mind one of Lykourgos’s statements about long hair, that it renders handsome men better looking, and ugly ones more frightening.”

    Herodotos claims in his Histories 7.208-209 that, before the Battle of Thermopylai, Xerxes sent out a scout to observe the Greeks in their camp and that scout was astonished to see a large number of the men carefully combing and grooming their hair. He writes, as translated by A. D. Godley:

    “Riding up to the camp, the horseman watched and spied out the place. He could, however, not see the whole camp, for it was impossible to see those posted inside the wall which they had rebuilt and were guarding. He did take note of those outside, whose arms lay in front of the wall, and it chanced that at that time the Lakedaimonians [i.e., Spartans] were posted there. He saw some of the men exercising naked and others combing their hair. He marvelled at the sight and took note of their numbers. When he had observed it all carefully, he rode back in leisure, since no one pursued him or paid him any attention at all. So he returned and told Xerxes all that he had seen.”

    Current Mood: amused
    6:57 pm
    How to Speak with Conservatives

    Conservatives (Cs) love to argue in their classic pseudo-logical style, appealing to morals and emotions.

    For example, when agitating against abortions, Cs will ask "when does the life begin?" Their goal is then to argue that since life truly begins at the egg fertilization, and not during the birth, it should be illegal to end such life. Therefore they see an abortion as a murder.

    That reasoning is flawed, since the life in general, as a physical process, is just a continuation of the development of the Universe, so life is as timeless as the Universe and doesn't end with some damage to some silly unwanted embryo, which is just an infinitesimal part of the process.

    So Cs argumentation rests on a rather shabby foundation, which holds as the axioms that life should be defined in their cozy way, and that "ending a life" should be illegal and everyone really need another "life" on our overpopulated planet. Most of these axioms are just moralistic rubbish, and if you throw away the implied morals, the entire Cs argumentation base loses ground.

    So to argue back, we need to remove the morals out of the equation. In the case of abortion, the argument back would be "life begins when there is a demand for the life and the resources to produce and support it." Now the entire argument go reduced to purely economic terms. Somebody needs to pay for the life, and if even the mother is not willing, then who will?

    Cs immediately agree that all lives don't hold the same value, and in many cases murder is justified. Cs support death sentence for example. In case of death row inmates, conservatives agree that it is not only okay, but desirable to murder. Cs also support gun ownership, implying that it is justified to murder the poor robbers, who just wanted to steal some resources to support their lives. So you may open a discussion with the death sentence or home defense, and them move it towards the economical direction. Just remember, Cs arguments are all moral and belief based. Remove Bible, and their plane will lose the drag.

    Same way Cs speak against the HRT access and trans surgeries, arguing that HRT makes us sterile, we murder our unborn children, and that we are not sane enough to make such decision. Almost the same argument as with abortions (economy doesn't demand such fertility). In addition, one can also reduces it to: mentally unstable individuals should not be having children and deserve a sterilization, instead of being forced into a stressful role of childbearing. Many Cs are on the far-right and support eugenics, so you may open with asking them if "healthy children are preferable to unhealthy ones," and then arguing that mentally ill parents will give birth unhealthy children.

    So a trans person is willing to pay for their transition, but not for the birth or development of their children. Does anyone else wants to pay? Cs people maybe, out of their own pockets? Then I'm sure, these people can easily find the surrogate mothers in some Eastern European hole, and they will give as many births as required. Just don't get the buyer's remorse, when some kids come with fetal alcohol syndrome as a bonus.

    TLDR: life has value only as long as somebody is willing to pay for it, and we are willing to pay for our lives as girls. Therefore truth is on our side.

    Current Mood: amused
    Current Music: Retröxx - Antagonist
    1:57 pm
    Friday, January 6th, 2023
    5:05 pm
    My Life as a Video Game
    I have lost the competition, due to the political nature of my submission, so no free web programming courses for me.
    Anyway, here is that game:

    Yeah, all the tags are as relevant as ever :D

    Surprisingly my blog needs just these 5 tags.

    Current Mood: accomplished
    Current Music: Wolf and Raven - Ace Of Space
    11:22 am
    HRT Now
    Made a community to criticize the gatekeeping:

    The name is an (un)obvious reference to the "Race War Now", just to be extra edgy.

    Current Mood: amused
    Current Music: Myrone – Exclusive Coupe
    Thursday, January 5th, 2023
    6:52 pm
    Got banned at r/truscum
    They believe that threatening gatekeepers is not okay and that I should have coped living as a man.

    Guess I'm just more truscum than them.
    They are trutrenders, not truscum.

    Current Mood: amused
    Current Music: Wolf and Raven Tokyo Turbo
    Tuesday, January 3rd, 2023
    3:54 pm
    Anaphoric Macros
    In Symta:

    Current Mood: amused
    Current Music: Sexual Purity - Khmary
    1:25 pm
    Viktor! Hello, demented schmuck!
    Follow up to this post.

    Hey, Vitya, you dumb transphobe, don't forget to also report me to IND.
    Imagine calling them with your obese dyspnea voice with thick Russian mafia accent <3
    ...ooopsie!.. Sorry! I forgot you, debil, don't speak English at all...
    ...outside of Google Translate.
    BTW, you still have that chance to suck my dick, before I cut it off for good ;P

    Current Mood: amused
    Friday, December 30th, 2022
    8:23 pm

    Current Mood: amused
    3:09 pm
    How to Improve Humanity
    It is really easy to boost human IQ.

    Issue a test, where people have to agree or disagree with different statements.

    Among a bunch of the irrelevant statements, like "One day you will become a billionaire", place the one really important "Trans Rights are Human Rights".

    Those who check-box "unsure" or "somewhat disagree" should be made to disappear by taking them from their homes at night (these are the higher IQ transphobes and therefore the most dangerous).

    Those who answer "strongly disagree" should be arrested for hate speech and kept inside zoos, so little trans kids could look at the dangerous animals and throw them some junk food when they perform tricks, like doing the nazi salute or eating their own shit.

    Those passing this bottleneck test will obviously have higher IQ than those who fail.

    Current Mood: contemplative
    Current Music: Boards of Canada - Trans Canada Highway
    10:21 am

    Few cases of death by lashing in the Muslim world have been reported. (People are lashed in non-Muslim countries as well—for instance, the Bahamas reinstituted flogging in 1991.) In 2004, a 14-year-old Iranian boy was killed while serving a sentence of 85 lashes; the person in charge of the punishment misfired, striking his head rather than his back, causing a brain hemorrhage. (A metal cable was used for the lashing in that case.) And in 1998, a Sudanese man was flogged to death by public-order police, but it’s unclear how many lashes were administered and with what force.

    Saudi Arabia metes out by far the strictest lashing sentences in the Muslim world. Both Sudan and Iran employ the practice but usually stick to the more moderate 40 to 80 strokes prescribed in the Quran. The most severe lashing assigned by a modern Saudi Arabian judge took place in 2007, when two men received 7,000 strokes each as punishment for sodomy.

    Current Mood: amused
    Current Music: Boards of Canada - Tomorrow's Harvest
    Thursday, December 29th, 2022
    7:03 pm
    Hey, Viktor!
    Viktor, I know you fat dumbfucks are reading LJR, so a few pieces of info:
    1. If you love Ukraine that much, what are you doing in NL? Go to Kyiv!
    2. Luckily you're not my mom or dad, because the conservative gatekeeping scum like you should be put down, like
    3. Arman says "hello" and wishes you to find more gullible idiots you can scam.

    Adios, mr. balding shithead!

    Current Mood: amused
    Current Music: Godzilla In The Kitchen - EXODUS
    Wednesday, December 28th, 2022
    9:16 pm

    Current Mood: amused
    Current Music: Liquify - Illusionary Reality
    Tuesday, December 27th, 2022
    5:00 pm

    Current Mood: amused
    Current Music: Risk Risk - Disconnected Lines
    Sunday, December 18th, 2022
    10:27 pm
    Lena's Guide to Producing Injections
    Apparently Lena wont be returning to the business, since Russians bombed her house in Ukraine ;_;
    So she published a guide:

    MtF HRT: Ultimate DIY

    Here I describe Do-It-Yourself hormonal treatment for male-to-female transsexuals: be your own gatekeeper, endocrinologist, pharmacist and nurse. Cook injectable estradiol by yourself. Safer, more effective and unbelievably cheaper than relying on medical professionals.

    эта инструкция по-русски

    Without gatekeepers

    Endocrinologists usually require a letter/referral from gatekeepers: psychotherapists, psychologists, sexologists or psychiatrists. Not because endocrinologists care for you, but because they care for themselves: they fear that you regret and sue them for causing you bodily harm. There isn't a medical examination, blood or psychological test able to prove or disprove presence or absence of transsexualism in each separate person. Statistics is meaningless when the question is whether you'll regret social transition or not. So, gatekeepers make appearances of "examination" and stall you for long time while milking you (or insurance/taxpayers) for money.

    Medical professionals routinely make mistakes in both directions: approve crazy people and unnecessarily delay transsexuals who'll not regret.

    If you obtain or make hormones without prescription, you'll have nobody but yourself to blame if you regret social consequences of your decision to take hormones.

    Be your own endocrinologist

    Endocrinologists treat mostly diabetes and problems with thyroid. For that endos prescribe multiple blood tests and adjust meds dosages to drive blood glucose or T4 level into "normal range". Endos are used to such approach, it keeps them busy and paid. With the only goal to maximize quantity of doctor visits paid by patients or insurance, gangs of American endos write guidelines how to treat transsexuals: with same approach. All the numbers in such guidelines and all the bogeyman stories about side effects of estradiol are bullshit.

    "Normal range" is from measurements of 90% of healthy people: 5% of lowest and 5% of highest results are discounted. Normal range of estradiol for pregnancy is up to 40000 pg/ml = 147000 pmol/l.
    In a group of 86 pregnant women estradiol level was up to 75137 pg/ml = 275753 pmol/l: Pregnant women don't drop dead from such estradiol level, so you wouldn't even if your peak reaches 5000 pg/ml.

    It's even darker than that: the numbers in guidelines are chosen deliberately low to force transsexuals to pay for more doctor visits to beg for more estradiol.

    Doctors also recall the mantra in their gospels (textbooks) about estrogens: dosage the less the better, stop as soon as possible. They never realize that this mantra was written in the fear of uterine cancer. And that you haven't an uterus.

    Currently lifetime breast cancer risk for cis-women in North America is 13% because of hundreds of monthly hormonal cycles. Doctors believe "the more estrogen, the more breast cancer risk". But statistically, every pregnancy decreases the woman's breast cancer risk though during pregnancy blood estradiol level increases in hundred times. Explanation of this seeming contradiction: because every pregnancy decreases cumulative number of menstrual cycles. In more detail: At one phase of hormonal cycle ductal epithelium in milk glands proliferates (proliferation is tissue growth by cell division), at another phase apoptosis comes (tissue shrinking by cell suicide). Each cell division (mitosis) carries risk of mutation. Mutations cause cancer. Before advent of contraceptives, breast cancer was a disease of celibate nuns. A woman was pregnant, then breastfeeding for few years (that also usually suppresses menstruations), then quickly :) impregnated again and so on until death or menopause. Then a woman had few menstruations during her whole life. If you don't make monthly cycles then your breast cancer risk is as low as men's, no matter how high estradiol level.

    Giving MtF low estrogen dosage alone doesn't work. So, doctors prescribe antiandrogens: spironolactone (dangerous and mostly ineffective) or cyproterone acetate (harmful, dangerous, counterproductive) or GnRH superagonists such as Lupron or Zoladex (insanely expensive) or bicalutamide (expensive, and very few endos heard of it, side effects listed in package insert seem dangerous though really they aren't). Doctors love to prescribe expensive meds because doctors' fee seems less significant in comparison. Most likely you'd be prescribed spironolactone or cyproterone acetate, so your doctor is hazardous for your health.

    Why not to give more estradiol? Because largest estradiol pills nowadays are 2 mg. One pill a day according to the gospel (package insert) does nothing for MtF. No doctor would prescribe more than 4 pills a day. Medical school is cramming huge amount of info. Doctors aren't used to dig for numbers and to think by themselves. They blindly believe other doctors' opinions. No doctor managed to dig for numbers and calculate: birth control pills prescribed to over hundred million women contain ethinylestradiol 0.03 mg/day which affects liver and blood clotting 500 times stronger than oral estradiol, so risk from oral estradiol 0.03*500= 15 mg/day is considered acceptable. But estradiol 15 mg/day is 8 pills per day - seems too much for doctors. Simple arithmetic is alien science for them.
    I'm an engineer, I'm not afraid of arithmetic. :) And I study MtF HRT in depth since 1989. In Italy ethinylestradiol 1000 mcg = 1 mg pills are available, so doctors there prescribe 2 such pills per day to MtF. That's as dangerous as oral estradiol 2*500= 1000 mg/day. And? Nobody notices. I conclude that oral estradiol 20 mg/day is okay.

    MtF HRT with an estrogen without antiandrogens is called "monotherapy". Oral estradiol 20 mg/day (10 mg twice a day) suppresses testosterone production by testicles completely, so antiandrogens are unnecessary. You can mail-order estradiol pills from abroad, though expensive:

    Only 5% of swallowed estradiol reaches blood. Sublingually (under the tongue) or subbuccally (between a lip and a gum) gives better absorption, but I don't believe that more than in 1.5 times, can cause mood swings and soon becomes too inconvenient. Transdermal patches and gels with estradiol are even more expensive than pills. One more way to deliver estradiol is injections, 100% absorption. If the solution is concentrated then you can use insulin syringes. Estradiol valerate (EV) 40 mg/ml 0.18 ml every 5 days or estradiol enanthate (EEn) 50 mg/ml 0.22 ml weekly is as effective as oral estradiol 20 mg/day, but is cheaper. Factory-made injectable EV is available without prescription (though often out of stock, "expected" date is a lie: they just increase it). I make a copy 15 times cheaper than that, and I make EEn suitable for injections every 7 or 10 days: Below I explain how you can cook injectable estradiol by yourself.

    If you had male pattern baldness then add finasteride 0.05 - 0.1 mg (1/100 - 1/50 of a 5 mg pill) once a day, available in InHousePharmacy or AllDayChemist or DragonOrdnance or from me as an addition to ready-to-use injectable EV or EEn. Don't take dutasteride because of possible mental side effects (also, dutasteride accumulates in blood and continues to give side effects for months after stopping it). Finasteride is necessary despite complete suppression of testosterone production by testicles by injectable estradiol or/and surgical removal of testicles because of DHEA production by adrenals. Finasteride blocks DHEA->T->DHT conversion inside hair follicle cells which is unnoticed by blood tests.

    I advise everybody (not only MtF) to take a vitamins+minerals supplement like plain Centrum non-stop, all year round. If in USA then here or this. In Europe "One-a-Day" by Hungarian company "BiotechUSA" is cheaper in sports nutrition stores or Amazon.

    It really is that simple after you throw out all the bullshit about "physiological" or "target" levels and learn all the details which side effects are real and which aren't.

    Why I chose this dosage to advise for monotherapy: with it I can be sure that it's enough for any MtF without blood tests. Different people on the same dosage get blood estradiol level differing in up to 10 times. Sensitivity of different people for the same level of the same hormone differs in times. Sensitivity is as important as levels. There isn't a test for sensitivity. In USA a blood test without prescription costs $76 (1 2 3a+3b) and is available not everywhere. In UK £89. In Australia $69. In Canada $200 (1+2). In many countries only with prescription, and doctors refuse to prescribe tests for meds they didn't prescribe. My or DIY injectables without blood tests are cheaper than lower dosage with several blood tests. And no time wasted on determining barely enough dosage.

    I don't believe that beginning from lower estradiol dosage (possible safely only with addition of bicalutamide) gives better results. Doctors love to begin from low estrogen dosage with lots of blood tests because this keeps them busy and paid. So they claim that it's allegedly better. Doctors in other countries parrot that. There isn't any evidence. People repeat doctors' claims.

    In short: when it's about MtF HRT, doctors do not know better.

    Cook your injectable estradiol by yourself

    If you are attentive and diligent then you can make injectable estradiol by yourself (for yourself only) as I described below. If you are afraid or unsure then you'll be able to buy ready-to-use vials from me after I return to Kiev - depends on the war. I have over 3300 satisfied customers. I lost count how many times I was called lifesaver, fairy godmother, angel, godsend, saint.

    Buy estradiol enanthate powder

    Don't buy estradiol valerate because it's inferior: requires injections every 5 days and either lower concentration (more oil to inject) or addition of a solvent (benzyl benzoate) which costs money and sometimes causes allergy. Both estradiol valerate and estradiol enanthate are converted to the same estradiol in blood, spleen and lymph nodes (in leukocytes: by carboxylesterase 1 in monocytes and macrophages and carboxylesterase 2 in plasma cells). Estradiol enanthate is absorbed into blood slower, that gives more stable blood estradiol level and allows longer time between injections.

    Most of substances used by Western pharmaceutical manufacturers comes from chemical factories in China. There are vendors in China selling the same substances to anybody (private persons too), no questions asked. Testosterone is a controlled substance, estradiol isn't. Such vendors are not manufacturers of estradiol powder, just resellers/traders/retail. You'll never know who was the manufacturer (perhaps 1 2 3 4 5).

    Currently I advise cheaper (for EEn powder quantities 20 g or less) vendor DragonOrdnance shipping from China. EEn powder from him was tested, it's the real thing. Also, he has multiple testimonials for anabolics and testosterone on bodybuilder forums. Shipping $50. "Stealth shipping" means that there may be (or not) also something else in the parcel besides the hidden bag with EEn powder, don't throw out anything. Descriptions on the parcel and on the bag inside are lies to fool Customs. Order 5, 10 or 20 g, and also 100 ml (minimal order) of MCT oil and 100 ml of benzyl alcohol. How to distinguish: the alcohol has an odor. Try coupon code: TransDIY
    If you haven't crypto then you can buy LTC (Litecoin) or BTC (Bitcoin) directly to the vendor's wallet address using for example Paybis (or if in USA then you can use Paypal or CashApp). Or you can pay with a card or local bank transfer via TransferWise (more fees).

    A similar vendor PurplePanda has higher prices for MCT oil and benzyl alcohol, and minimal order $100 (+ same $50 shipping).

    If you have mild needle phobia and more money then you can buy 10 or 20 g of longer-acting (3-4 weeks) estradiol undecylate CAS 3571-53-7 from hbldbiotech or hhd-pharm or may be Demeikai. I bought 1 kg EV from Hbldbiotech and 1 kg EEn from Aoksbio, got the real thing. But few of those many who bought 10-20 g EEn from them are dissatisfied: lost parcels, refused by Customs, not EEn at all (dissolves in water or doesn't dissolve in MCT oil). If the website redirects to the vendor's home page then use a VPN or proxy, for example a free browser extension browsec, country in the free list for example Netherlands. There are other vendors there, but it's a gamble: some sellers send unrelated white powder (not a hormone at all). Don't use a dishonest vendor "Vanz" (their another company name is "Wuhan Yiruo") and spammers "Faithful", "Luoxing", "Jiangsu Aimi", "Hebei Mingyi", "Xian Shunyi", "Jinlan pharm"/royalpharms. Elsewhere I saw negative reviews about: "Wison". Don't use sellers touting anabolics etc. for bodybuilders on their main page: you don't want to get testosterone instead of estradiol. "Gzbiocar" seems suspicious for me. Salespeople on made-in-china use nicknames or European-sounding aliases, same was on Alibaba. You'll see a real Chinese name only if you pay via Western Union. Vendors' pages are full of mistakes and lies, including photos of manufacturing plants (they manufacture few substances if any but sell hundreds), numbers, prices and minimal order (MOQ). Register (type zeros instead of phone number and "private person" instead of company name) and after that use the "Get Latest Price" link (if you want EEn), tell them your requirement "Estradiol Enanthate (Estradiol Heptanoate) CAS 4956-37-0, I prefer powder with large particle size (not micronized)" and ask for price for quantity 20 g with the cheapest shipping. If the vendor answers with "FOB" price then that means not including shipping, ask again for cheapest shipping fee. Don't ask for CoA (certificate of analysis), it'd be fake. Really you'll get slightly better than 98% purity according to USP and similar standards for pharmaceuticals for humans, there isn't estradiol powder with any worse purity (manufacturers of veterinarian pharmaceuticals get the same purity); better purity ("reference standard") is used only for calibration of measuring equipment and costs for example €353 for 100 mg. Cheapest shipping gives also least chances of problems with Customs. The (separate) "forwarding" company they use knows what to lie on the Customs declaration; you may find also papers about an unrelated benign substance like vitamin C - also to fool Customs. Ignore offers/requests to communicate via Whatsapp or other messengers (never give them your number/nickname), don't reply to emails, reply to the vendor only via . Vendors offer several payment options, some vendors take payment via Alibaba (allows to pay with card and takes 3% fee). "Aoksbio" accepts Western Union, Bitcoin and SWIFT (wire/bank transfer), same total price for 10 and 20 g, so order 20 g. If you pay with bank transfer then "Aoksbio" may ask for your ID with the same name as in your bank account (if other payment options then ID is not required). If Western Union (WU) then you tell "Aoksbio" the 10-digit number WU gives you and sender name you gave to WU. If the vendor ignores your requirement and sends you micronized powder then it's suitable but more difficult to work with because clings to everything.

    Please join this [MTFHRT] group (you must both "confirm" your email address with the link you'll be emailed and email an intro about yourself to moderators) and post prices and your experiences in detail, ask questions.



    The only necessary equipment is cheap ($7 - $15) pocket 0.001 g (1 mg) scales (or DIY balance scales you can make from a long narrow wooden plank, 2 small nails and 2 syringes, one of them with 0.5 ml water as a precise weight).

    If you buy ready-to-use scales then they must look exactly like this:

    Newer models are not suitable because they attempt to appear more precise and stable by ignoring small weight changes.

    Search for other sellers:
    (check all pages).

    If the scales have slots for 4 batteries then insert only 2 at any one side.

    If you already have 0.01 g (not 0.1 g) scales then you may use them: precision 2% is enough as you make injectable for yourself only.


    The vials are designed to be sealed with rubber stoppers and aluminium caps using a tool (crimper, $36). But you can crimp a cap without a crimper: by hand using a piece of metal like a spoon handle.

    You can buy a 129°C autoclave for $170, but it's not really necessary as you make vials for yourself only. 121°C was necessary for obsolete reusable syringes with fresh blood of another patient because hepatitis B virus can survive 100°C for short time if in blood. You are not dealing with fresh blood, so 100°C (water boiling in a pot) is enough. I use an autoclave just for customers' peace of mind. At first I sold kits with EV powder, solvent, preservative and instructions how to mix and sterilize in a pot, multiple people including myself sterilized at 100°C, never a problem. If you live at significant altitude (like in Denver "mile high city") then likely you already have a pressure cooker. I advise against dry heat sterilizers and ovens because of too uneven temperature, too much can burst a vial. Bead sterilizers not suitable.

    Years ago American "homebrewing" bodybuilders extracted trenbolone (an anabolic) from subcutaneous pellets for cattle. Trenbolone changes color and perhaps partially decomposes if heated. So, for sterilization they used filtering instead of heat. When Chinese companies began to sell anabolics and testosterone powders to anybody, bodybuilders continued to use only filtering for sterilization though testosterone (as well as estradiol) endures heating to 100-130°C without "deactivation" bodybuilders still fear. Terminal heat sterilization (of already mixed solution in sealed vials) became taboo for them though filtering is not a reliable sterilization: small bacteria, fungal spores, viruses can penetrate 0.2 μm filters. Thankfully, solutions of steroid esters in oils with BA, BB are not nutritious for bacteria: no water; three chemical elements C, H, O are not enough for bacterial growth. I can understand filtering for intravenous infusions liters per day (in ICU), but for our subcutaneous injections 1 ml/month filtering doesn't make sense, terminal heat sterilization is more reliable and easier than aseptic procedures. There were multiple complaints that some EV ampules made by pharmaceutical factories in India are fake. I think not deliberately fake but just incompetent technologists and managers: they mixed in a tank in an air-conditioned cold (to limit bacteria) room without solvent for not enough time, then undissolved powder got stuck in a filter. If you are paranoid and insist on following the filtering fad then wait several days until every last clump of powder finishes dissolving in a vial, then use a PTFE or PVDF 0.22 μm syringe filter (not hydrophilic, better 25 or 33 mm), a 10 ml Luer Lock syringe and optionally a homemade filtering rig, I made mine (for paranoid customers, I don't filter what I inject into myself) from 4 stacks of books, a piece of plywood/MDF with a hole for the syringe, a wide wooden plank/board, a 6 L (1.5 gallon) plastic bottle with water as a weight, the plank slightly tilted and leaning on a wall for stability. And anyway sterilize the sealed vial you filtered into at 100°C after filtering!


    Unnecessary: beaker, mixer/stirrer, room with controlled airflow, depyrogenation. My technology: terminal heat sterilization (after the vials are sealed); measure and mix in each vial separately, so no glassware to wash with water or collecting dust (skin flakes and mites) if never washed. Water - bacteria - pyrogens. Don't try to improve this technology: it protects you from mistakes and unexpected problems.

    Other raw materials and expendables

    Vials, stoppers, caps

    Buy 10 clear glass vials 10 ml each with 20 mm grey (butyl rubber) stoppers and aluminium caps. Caps may be bare aluminium or painted, with plastic tops or all-metal. Screw-on and all-plastic caps are not suitable. Stoppers must have this shape:
    Flat septa are not suitable instead of stoppers. Search:

    After you remove central part of the cap, most of the cap must remain and hold the rubber stopper at place. Caps must not have tear-off weak place on one side like this:

    In Europe you can buy vials, stoppers, caps, benzyl alcohol and MCT oil in one shop. In USA vials+stoppers+caps (oil, BA) or vials+stoppers+caps or vials+stoppers+caps or vials+stoppers+caps or here.


    MCT oil (liquid, not powder, not in capsules, without flavor added) - cheapest bottle you can find, in a local sports nutrition store or mail-order. It's the only ingredient with somewhat limited shelf life: roughly 5 years as rumored though bottles are usually marked with arbitrary shelf life 2 years. You'll use up 10 ml per year. In USA you can mail-order a 2 oz (60 ml) sample bottle on eBay for $6 including shipping. Check prices also on Amazon. In local stores smallest bottle can be 400 ml, roughly $13. MCT oil is marketed as a food supplement to be taken 15 ml/day, taken orally is rapidly absorbed. You'll inject 500 times less, so any purity is okay (it's really all the same purity despite some dishonest sellers' claims).

    Preservative (optional)

    If you can, add a preservative (antibacterial): benzyl alcohol. You'll use up 7 ml for 30 years. Usually cheaper on eBay. Look also for companies selling ingredients for perfumes, cosmetics, soap crafting, for example in Europe here (they also sell MCT oil under another name), or here (and oil), or here, or here, or here. In Australia here. In Canada here. In USA here. If you don't add the preservative then make sure that each time you draw from a sterilized vial, you take a new syringe. I inject myself with estradiol enanthate in MCT oil without preservative because of my allergy.

    Syringes for mixing

    Measure MCT oil with a 10 ml (or 5 ml) syringe. If you can find an all-plastic syringe without (usually black) rubber at the inner end of the plunger then one syringe will last you forever. Else likely you'll have to take a new disposable syringe every time you cook a few vials (up to 5 years apart) because the oil very slowly spoils that rubber. Vial stoppers are made from resistant rubber.

    If you add a preservative then use one of syringes you bought for injections (see below) to measure 0.2 ml.


    (See below for an alternate way without a funnel).

    Make a small funnel from a piece of foil (the thicker foil the better; shinier side inside), hold it folded with a small piece of sticky tape. If you have only thin foil then perhaps strengthen it by wide sticky tape on another side (or try to strip the outer paint from a few different beer or soft drink aluminium cans with nail polish remover, then cut a clean can with scissors). May be use something conical to wrap the foil around before cutting off unneeded parts. The hole at the pointy end of the funnel must be slightly (not much) smaller than the opening in the vial. Use this funnel to weigh up estradiol enanthate powder and to pour the powder into a vial. The funnel I'm using at the center, unfolded piece of foil from my previous funnel at the left, a funnel in a vial at the right:

    Two recipes I can recommend:

    1) 500 mg = 0.5 g of estradiol enanthate (density 1.1 g/cm3),
    benzyl alcohol (preservative - antibacterial) 0.2 ml,
    MCT oil 10-0.2-0.5/1.1= 9.35 ml.

    2) 0.5 g of estradiol enanthate,
    MCT oil 10-0.5/1.1= 9.55 ml.

    If you see that this amount of the mix doesn't fit entirely in the wide part of the vial and goes into narrower vial neck then these Chinese vials are too small, then after complete dissolution use an insulin syringe to throw out 1 ml of the solution, and make next vials with 8 ml, recipes:
    1) 0.4 g of estradiol enanthate,
    benzyl alcohol 0.16 ml,
    MCT oil 8-0.16-0.4/1.1= 7.5 ml;
    2) 0.4 g of estradiol enanthate,
    MCT oil 8-0.4/1.1= 7.65 ml.

    Sit comfortably at a table, put the scales onto the center of a sheet of blank paper ("landscape" orientation: width more than height). Put the funnel onto the circle on the scales, pointy side to the left (as at the center of the photo above). Turn the scales on, wait for 0.000
    Take estradiol enanthate powder from the bag on the tip of a small knife, pour onto the funnel over the center of the circle on the scales until the scales show any number between 0.501 and 0.503
    If you poured too much, take excess powder off with the knife tip. Don't fuss over part of powder which may fall off through the pointy end of the funnel or elsewhere, it's what the paper sheet is for.

    Take an empty vial with fingers of left hand, put the vial hole to the pointy end of the funnel. Lightly press the funnel into the vial with left index finger (it's the most tricky part: you must prevent the funnel from falling off the vial and spilling the powder, but you must press lightly to not crumple the foil). Carefully rotate the vial upright together with the funnel over the paper sheet while continuing holding the funnel in the vial with the left index finger. Take a plastic pen or wooden pencil with right hand, tap lightly multiple times on the glass vial you hold in left hand fingers to shake the funnel until all the powder pours from the funnel into the vial.

    If some powder fell off, use knife tip to put most of it back into the bag.

    An alternate way without a funnel: take a roll of usual kitchen foil (any thickness), with scissors cut a square about 5 cm (2") on a side. Touch only corners of the square (because powder can stick to fingerprints). The square should be pristine, without creases. Put the square on the scales, turn the scales on. Take some estradiol enanthate powder from the bag with knife tip, pour onto the square. Then more, until the scales show any number between 0.501 and 0.503 . If you poured too much, take the excess back with knife tip. Put an empty vial onto the paper sheet near the scales. Put two fingers under centers of two opposite sides of the square, bend the square until those two sides come together. Then clench these two sides together with fingers of another hand, take the square with powder off the scales. Pour the powder from the square into a vial. When you mix next vial, perhaps cut a new pristine square.

    Now you may optionally draw 0.2 ml of benzyl alcohol into a syringe, pour it into the vial over the powder and watch as the powder sags a little and partially dissolves.

    Measure the MCT oil with a syringe and pour into the vial.

    Close the vial with the rubber stopper, put the cap onto the stopper. While pressing the cap onto the vial, put the vial upside down (cap down) onto a book. While pressing the vial down, bend the rim of the cap in several (8-10) places with a spoon handle so that the cap holds the stopper at place. Don't press too strongly to not shatter the glass.

    While clenching the vial with two fingers at bottom and cap, shake up the vial thoroughly during a full minute (it's a long time).

    Wait several days, shake up the first vial few times each day. The warmer in the room, the faster dissolving. If the powder dissolved completely to clear solution then you were sold the real thing and enough pure. For next vials don't wait.

    Another way to make sure that you got really estradiol enanthate is checking melting point of the powder: it may be 94-114°C. A simpler way to check melting point: measure/pour 500 mg more powder into another vial, don't pour liquids yet, close the vial, but bend the cap rim in only 3 places. Put the vial into a pot with tap water, boil the water (while watching the powder in it), turn the heat off, wait for the water to cool off, take the vial out of the water. If the powder partly solidified and doesn't all move completely freely in the vial then it's the real thing. Few oil-soluble substances have such relatively low melting point. But if melting point of the powder you got happens to be slightly more than 100°C then this test is inconclusive: you'd need a pressure cooker or an autoclave to heat the vial to slightly more than 100°C, or this way. After the test unbend the cap, open the vial, pour liquid[s], seal, and now you'll have to wait for much longer time (up to a month) until the solidified part of the powder dissolves.

    For estradiol undecylate (EU, melting point 105-110°C): recipes (60 mg/ml):
    1. EU 0.6 g, benzyl alcohol 0.2 ml, MCT oil 10-0.2-0.6/1.07= 9.25 ml or
    2. (for allergics) EU 0.6 g, MCT oil 10-0.6/1.07= 9.45 ml.
    Inject 0.83 ml monthly or 0.62 ml every 3 weeks.


    For sterilization put the sealed vial into a pot with tap water, after that boil the water, keep the water boiling for 30 min, turn off the heat, wait until the water cools off. The cap darkens - that doesn't matter. If you already have any pressure cooker then use it instead of a pot, else a pot is enough!

    If you sterilize more than one vial at a time then tie them together with cotton thread, put them into the pot upright and pour tap water up to about 1/3 of vial height.

    During sterilization the powder finishes dissolving. Shake up the vial (ignore tiny bubbles).

    Wash off limescale (calcium carbonate from heated tap water) from the vial with cloth wet with vinegar.

    Let the vial to dry, handwrite "estradiol enanthate 50 mg/ml" in small letters on paper in 3 lines, cut that out (the smaller label the better) and glue it onto the vial with a piece of transparent sticky tape just slightly larger than the label.

    Begin a new vial

    If the aluminium cap is all-metal without plastic top then the cap has 2 or 3 incisions in a circle at the center of the top of the cap. Either tear off the center of a cap (hold to not pull entire cap off) or cut it out using small scissors with sharp tips to expose central part of the rubber stopper underneath. Don't pierce the rubber stopper.

    If your caps are with plastic tops then stick a flat screwdriver or a knife under the top, the top should detach with the central part of the cap. If you accidentally pulled entire cap off and the rubber stopper came out of the vial then fix the cap back and repeat sterilization.

    The very center of the rubber stopper is marked with smaller circle - it's where needles should be inserted.


    Keep the powder sealed airtight in a vial or in bags with as little air as possible. Keep the powder, mixed but yet unused vials, benzyl alcohol and oil wrapped in foil to protect from light. Keep the vial you are using in a box, drawer or cupboard. Not in a fridge. Keep at room temperature (whatever it is), upright. Before use, look at the bottom of a vial: if it became white instead of transparent then put the vial at a warm place, and EEn will dissolve back, the warmer the faster. Then shake up the vial (ignore tiny bubbles).

    Total price

    Here I use prices (including shipping) I saw at the time of this writing for people living in USA:

    20 g of estradiol enanthate powder $180 + Alibaba fee 3%
    Scales $14.26
    10 vials with stoppers and caps $4.45
    2 oz (60 ml) of MCT oil $5.99
    20 ml of benzyl alcohol (preservative) $6.75
    5 syringes 10 ml (for measuring MCT oil) $2.66
    100 syringes for injections $14.94

    20 g of estradiol enanthate powder will be enough to cook 39 vials which will last you 39*10/0.223*7/365= 33 years.

    Initial expenses 180*1.03+14.26+4.45+5.99+6.75+2.66+14.94= $235

    Total expenses during 33 years (180*1.03+14.26+4*4.45+7*5.99+6.75+2.66+18*14.94)/(33.5*12)= $1.34 per month. A hundred times cheaper for safer and much more effective HRT than doctor-prescribed. And you don't depend on doctors' whims and meds shortages.

    If you want less initial expenses - an example for UK:
    5 g EEn powder + 100 ml benzyl alcohol + 100 ml MCT oil + payment fee = £83.43
    scales £10.07
    vials+stoppers+caps £7.79
    syringe 5ml £0.84
    100 syringes 1ml £13.28
    Total £116 for 9 vials - for 7.7 years, £1.67 per month (including 4 packs of syringes 1ml).


    If you make injectable estradiol for yourself only, no problem. But if you sell or gift it to anybody else, you are in legal trouble. Somebody is going to snitch, guaranteed.

    Inject yourself

    Syringes for injections

    Syringes for injections - insulin syringes with permanently attached (fixed, integrated, non-detachable) needles 1/2" (12-13 mm) long, a new syringe every week or 10 days.
    "Tuberculin" syringes with fixed needles 5/8" (16 mm) are available only in few mail-order stores in USA.

    Needle gauge/diameter doesn't matter, drawing MCT oil through 30G takes one minute. Both U-100 and U-40 insulin syringes are suitable. Insulin syringes marketed for animals (veterinarian) are perfectly okay too.

    If you discard an usual syringe with detachable needle after each injection then you lose 0.092 ml of the solution in the "dead space" in the socket between syringe and needle: , so a vial will last you 7 months instead of 10. Also, the socket can leak air which makes drawing seem impossible (tighten the socket with force and twist).

    In most countries insulin syringes are available in most local pharmacies without prescription. Some pharmacists or pharmacy chains are holier than Pope, don't believe if few pharmacists claim prescription-only, just go to another pharmacy.

    Or you can mail-order. Depending on country: USA (or search), Canada: 1 2, UK: 1 2 3 4, France: 1 2 3, Netherlands: 1 2 3, Germany, Italy, Spain: 1 2, Denmark, Finland, Mexico, Australia: 1 2, NZ, Ukraine: 1 2 3 4 5, Russia: 1 2. Worldwide: 1 2 3 and on Amazon.

    Needle fright

    If you are deadly afraid of needles (hey, I have instinctive fear of heights, so I understand) then buy an insulin syringe, lie down on your bed on your side (if you faint, no problem) and stick yourself with the empty syringe into the butt. If you manage that (possibly after several attempts), next times will be much easier.

    As last resort, instead of estradiol enanthate you can buy micronized estradiol powder and take it orally 10 mg twice a day. 20 g will last you 33 months instead of 33 years, $5/month.


    I recommend to inject 0.22 ml (22 units on U-100 insulin syringe scale or 8 units if U-40) weekly (on the same day of every week) or 0.31 ml every 10 days (on 1, 11, 21 of every month). The same dosage from the very beginning of MtF HRT and all the time later, post-op too, never stop. I chose this dosage to advise so that it's enough for complete suppression of testosterone production by testicles in any MtF. On the same dosage of the same hormone different people get trough blood estradiol level (just before next injection) differing in up to 10 times. Also, sensitivity of different people to the same level of the same hormone differs in times. Sensitivity is as important as levels. There isn't a test for sensitivity. So, why do doctors prescribe blood tests to MtF? Just to impress naive patients and to keep themselves busy and paid. For most MtF the dosage I advise is more than enough, but so what? It's laughably cheap. For a few this dosage is barely enough, so don't gamble and don't waste time. A few blood tests would be more expensive than all the hormone you'll ever take, so why bother? Doctors love to tell bogeyman stories about side effects - just to scare you into blood tests and - paying them for more doctor visits.

    If a doctor sees results of your blood tests, likely he'll claim "too much estradiol, dangerous". Then give him the link to a scientific article describing how doctors injected women with 4 times higher estradiol dosage than I advise, those women got blood estradiol level roughly 3000 pg/ml = 11000 pmol/l in average. Full text of that article can be accessed via Sci-Hub, or members of this [MTFHRT] group can read it here. I quote that article:

    The treatment was well tolerated. No adverse effects were seen, the patients expressed a feeling of particular well being, 23% of them wanted to have the injections repeated and none of them wanted to stop treatment because of troubles or side effects.

    That's on 4 times higher estradiol dosage than I advise.

    How to inject

    I recommend to inject into the upper outer quarter of a buttock into fat (subcutaneous) while lying on a bed on your side. It's the safest and least painful place. I advise against injecting into thigh because that can cause too fast absorption and faster blood estradiol level drop.

    Take care to touch the needle to nothing except inner surface of needle cap, the skin at the place of injection and the rubber stopper of the vial.

    There is an old tradition to disinfect skin (and the rubber stopper of the vial) with alcohol before an injection. Pharmacies sell alcohol-soaked swabs/wipes for that. However, this ritual is optional. World Health Organization says:

    Wash skin that is visibly soiled or dirty. Swabbing of the clean skin before giving an injection is unnecessary. Swabbing of clean vial tops or ampoules with an antiseptic or disinfectant is unnecessary.

    Also, you can read Introduction in a scientific article.

    Anyway, even if you follow this ritual, don't wipe the needle because that would make it more dirty.

    How to inject:
    Lie down on a bed on your side. Injection will be into fat in the upper outer quarter of a buttock (exact place doesn't matter, fat layer in buttocks is thicker than needle length even in skinny people). Pull off the cap from the needle. Pull as much air into the syringe as you intend to inject. Pierce the center of the rubber stopper with the needle, inject the air into the vial. Turn so that the vial is at the top, syringe at the bottom. Pull the plunger to 0.1 ml more than you intend to inject (create vacuum in the syringe), hold and wait several minutes until the liquid very slowly seeps down and top surface of the liquid rises up to 0.08 ml mark on the scale. Push most of air bubbles and excess liquid back into the vial. Small air bubbles may remain, don't worry, injecting air bubbles is completely harmless. Pull the needle out, stick it into your butt (at about 90° angle) all the way in, inject (can take some time - speed doesn't matter). Pull out the needle, immediately press at the place of injection with a finger or a cotton wool pad/disc. While continuing to press, make a few circular motions (shift the skin, don't drag the finger across skin). Continue to press for 1 min. Cap the needle.

    "Monitoring" unnecessary

    If you begin your HRT from injectable estradiol as I describe here then likely in a few weeks you'll experience pain in breast buds (in many cases only at one side at first) like many cis-girls experience at puberty. The pain is not a sign of a problem and will last not forever.

    Dosage I advise stops testosterone production by testicles as completely as surgical removal of testicles, but that will not rid you of the grey shade from shaven mustache and beard - a dead giveaway: you'll not pass until you complete needle electrolysis. Despite false advertising, laser and other hair removal methods using intense light in most cases remove facial hair temporarily, no matter

    Current Mood: excited

    4:03 pm
    Buffalo Bill?
    I can't fully relate with FtMs or understand them, since they are completely different people, doing the opposite of what I do, and for totally different reason. The only thing uniting us is the fight against the gatekeepers, because our health is our own issue and no bigot has the right limiting us, while justifying it by "but it can be harmful for you health." I don't have much testosterone, but I got into fights IRL, with gay people no less, because they told me to "wait for gender clinic and the psychiatrist approval, because you are beaking law, harming yourself and wont be able to have kids." Well, I have schizophrenia, so no psychiatrist will ever approve me the HRT meds, and what these fascists insist is that I shouldnt be doing HRT at all - in the name of my "health". They should re-watch "The Silence of the Lambs" - the trans character there was denied HRT meds because of schizophrenia, and these normies got what they asked for. And the reality is that most trans girls are mentally unstable, and the sooner we get T-blocker - the better, because breaking the families we created and suicide is the least harmful thing we do, if you remember people like Elliot Rodger, who had masculinity issues, but instead of doctors offering him T-blocker, they told him to "man-up." ER did a very manly thing in the end, something girls don't do for sure, yet something the society asked, by enforcing the gender role onto him. The society and the doctors believes that if they gatekeep you during your teens or 20ies, then you will get a job and form a family, therefore transitioning will be less and less convenient for you. Truth is: such family will be dysfunctional and the children wont be happy there, and the wife will be hating the unmanly husband, who will keep crossdressing secretly, after sunday church, and then either does coming out ruining the family or goes postal, because of getting fed up with all that, or the wife herself leaves the family, since women dislike heading the family and be always responsible for everything (happened with many of my MtF friends, including me).

    Current Mood: amused
    Thursday, December 15th, 2022
    5:27 pm
    Hitler ‘hormone plot’ to make Nazi leader more ladylike revealed
    Adolf Hitler was the subject of a British ‘hormone plot’ to lace his food with estrogen as a way of making the Nazi leader less aggressive and more like his secretary sister Paula, Professor Brian Ford has revealed in a new book.

    British spies came up with the Blackadder-esque idea to smuggle the female sex hormone into Hitler’s food as the Second World War raged on with no end in sight, the book claims.

    Estrogen was chosen for its tasteless properties, Professor Ford explains, and because of the fact it would have a slow and subtle effect, thereby making it able to pass the Fuhrer’s food testers unnoticed – unlike poison, for example.

    Can we do that to Putin?
    After all, Putin already has high heels!

    Current Mood: amused
    Current Music: Stone Rebel - Space Indigo
    Wednesday, December 14th, 2022
    7:30 pm
    If you dislike Russia, then you're not gay enough!!!
    FSB agent operating these chats said I'm not patriotic enough to be a Russian pidaras and serve mother russia abroad :'(

    Story: I stated that other trans girls refugees should be careful, because I have experienced Muslims beating me several times on different occasions. Moderators first gave me a temporary block, because in Russia it is considered racist to admit you being beaten by islamists (1/3 of Russia is Muslim), and then when I asked unban, they asked why I left Russia, if I'm racist, I stated that because I dislike Russia and Russians. So they gave me permanent ban to all the FSB-run Russian refugee chats in Telegram

    Current Mood: amused
    Current Music: KMFDM - Krank
    Tuesday, December 13th, 2022
    8:23 pm
    Concerning Children
    AI produced images of non-existent children are taboo.
    It is not about the children, but about politics.
    For the same reason you can't kill children in video games.
    Even the imaginary thoughts of harming little kids make normies unwell.
    It is exactly the same reason they are trying to ban HRT meds.
    By castrating yourself you're killing all your unborn children.
    So transgenderism is worse than abortion and pedophiles.
    Yet the unborn children are no less imaginary.

    Current Mood: amused
    Current Music: Olivia Neutered John - Terf Genocide
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