nancygold's Journal
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Below are 20 journal entries, after skipping by the 20 most recent ones recorded in nancygold's LiveJournal:

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    Wednesday, May 18th, 2022
    9:06 pm
    When I began transitioning
    So whatever people say, I was interested in transgenderism since around 2006:
    My nickname there is exanode, and I had female avatar back them. knows

    Shame I haven't transitioned back then. That would have solved all my issues. But I was completely isolated and in depression.

    Argonov after that went completely insane and released music about USSR 2.0 and a war with America. Should have too transitioned in the name of Queer Anarchism and Transhumanism. Otherwise it is impossible to build USSR 40k

    Current Mood: amused
    Current Music: Purple Motion - Second Reality
    5:55 pm
    Got move to the new camp
    I asked if they can move me with Antonina, but they decided to move me closer to psychiatric asylum and crematorium.

    I'm not joking, it is the next area down the road.

    Current Mood: accomplished
    Current Music: Daikatana - Modern Mystery
    Sunday, May 15th, 2022
    8:56 pm
    Spell of Mastery Progress
    Adding more hacks to make the tower work and gets culled properly and its content being uncovered if cursor gets inside.

    Basically I had to introduce entire subsystem to handle such monolithic objects and then integrate it with the existing system.

    Still easier than breaking it into a tileset.

    Current Mood: accomplished
    Thursday, May 12th, 2022
    8:21 pm
    I’m Sorry for the Last Video

    Current Music: Leæther Strip - Worlock
    Saturday, May 7th, 2022
    4:57 am
    Meta-Meta Programming: Fixing the Bugs in Your Thinking
    Reddit banned me for the screenshoted post.
    So first the West tells me to join Russia.
    Then the West bans me when I agree to do that.
    What do the westerners even want from me?
    They don't want me in the west.
    They don't want me in the Russian army either.
    I'm sorry, but if you live in Russia, you have to defend Russia.
    And Russian people and culture too.
    Ukraine tries to genocide Russians and Russian culture.
    Which includes Lenin Komsomol central square.

    People say I should set immigration office door on fire, Pavlensky style.
    Or throw a egg at a Dutch politician.
    Except Dutch immigration service people are right.
    While I was wrong all this time.
    I believed that the West are the good guys.
    Liberals, for the world peace and accept everyone.
    But Russians were right. Westerners are the Nazis.
    Migration officials directly told me that Russians are right and I'm wrong.
    So I have to accept that. I'm crazy but not completely stupid.
    I can see my errors.
    I believed Ukrainians are fighting for freedom.
    But Ukrainians are just a bunch of unwelcoming Nazis.
    Ukrainian immigration service said I have no place in Ukraine.
    Despite my ancestors coming from Ukraine and me supporting Ukraine.
    So now I believe Putin that Ukraine actually murders the Donbass children.

    I'm a computer programmer.
    Sometimes I notice bugs in my software. I fix them.
    Sometimes entire design flaws need to be recognized.
    Same with my political views and hopes.
    The West shown that my views are flawed.
    I have fixed my worldview, just like I fix my programs.
    It was sad, because I had to admit I was wrong.
    That I haven't properly understood what is going on.
    I had to admit that I'm stupid and my thinking was flawed.
    But I had to come over myself and accept my mistakes.
    Same way I noticed that I have bugs with my emotions.
    And I began taking hormones to calm myself down.
    To remove the testosterone induced anger and hatred.
    Admission of errors is the first step to correct them.

    Unfortunately I have to forget the dream of becoming a girl.
    It is not that Putin hates transgenders.
    But the general Russian population is just not ready for that.
    If I want to live in Russia, I have to be in boymode.
    First Russia needs to liberate entire world.
    And only then we can discuss trans-humanism.

    Current Mood: sad
    Current Music: Scandroid - Purified
    Friday, May 6th, 2022
    6:24 pm

    Current Music: Scandroid - Destination Unknown
    Wednesday, May 4th, 2022
    2:05 pm
    Ужасы Голландии

    7:22 am
    Antonina has some really vicious haters
    Literally Veniamin type stalkers.
    They went to my youtube channel just to attack her,
    After they seen that photo of me with Babkina at a Dutch trans meeting.

    Why do Russians hate Antonina?
    She is not super successful to be jealous of.
    She is infantile, but I'm too, and many cis and trans girls in fact.
    She posted some mild russophobia, but never ever reached my levels.

    But I myself don't get such hatred. More like just direct threats of murder.

    Current Music: Alan Menken - The Little Mermaid Soundtrack
    Sunday, May 1st, 2022
    9:11 am
    Trans Meet-up
    Two Russian trans girls Nancy and Antonina, under the Ukrainian command of Anna.

    Anna has PhD and did teaching at Kyiv university, before that war began.

    Current Music: Irene Cara - What A Feeling
    Friday, April 29th, 2022
    2:10 pm
    AVGN hairline
    Or how testosterone killed the Youtube celebrity:

    Remember kids: start HRT before you begin losing hair. At least if you roleplay that eternal child on youtube.

    Current Mood: amused
    Current Music: Adam Lambert - Whataya Want From Me
    7:26 am
    As you know I'm a vegan, so I think I will never be able to accept Islam. The religion is just cruel, and not just to people but to animals too. Muslim slaughter laws demand animal to suffer during slaughter. In fact Muslims have entire slaughter fest, called Qurbani, the celebrate of blood and ritualistic sacrifice. As a vegan, I can never understand and support Islamic violence against the harmless animals.

    Also, never though I will ever met her IRL, since I kinda left Russia behind, but I have met Antonina Babkina, since she escaped to Netherlands. Actually a nice trans girl, although a bit naive and child like. So I don't understand why dvachers hate her. Antonina got really heavily bullied in Russia, almost to near suicide. But she is kinda autistic, can go in depth about technical aspects of UTC time format, Linux and C++. So has incomplete software engineer degree. So yup, programming socks is not a joke. And she had schizotypal disorder diagnosis, before the dysphoria, just like me, and apparently countless of other Russian trans get it, which I learned at discord. I know some liberal trans girls disliked Antonina for her dislike of Muslims, but I doubt anyone here likes the Muslim cruelty, especially how they mass torture animals. Muslims are not super LGBTQ friendly either.

    Anyway, if she decides to continue streaming, I said I can be a guest, but streams better be about programming, and not the absolute trash Alicia did in Russia. Then again, Antonina broke with Alicia before the real trash began and Alicia got tortured by gangsters to near death without being paid anything. They wanted to make another snuff video for donations. But still Antonina was really mistreated by stream organizers, like they abused her off script without her agreeing to anything or being paid. That would have got show producers in civilized countries sued and in jail, but Russia is a hellhole, where they actually murdered numerous people on streams.

    BTW, Gaziza now went full vatnik and completely supports invasion, saying she is patriot of Russia and Ukrainians called that themselves. I think she still hates me for transitioning.


    Current Mood: excited
    Current Music: Dubmood - Mirage IV
    Tuesday, April 26th, 2022
    6:51 pm
    Трансдевочка Нарушила Обет Молчания

    7:03 am

    Current Mood: amused
    Current Music: Starcraft 2 OST - Desperate Times
    Friday, April 22nd, 2022
    8:51 am

    Current Music: Waveshaper - Mainframe
    Tuesday, April 19th, 2022
    8:17 pm
    HRT Meds
    Soon I will get sissy pills prescribed legally.
    My life has just became much much easier.
    Next I need a proper gender dysphoria diagnosis.
    It will cancel the Russian schizotypal disorder one.
    And I will use it to defend myself against Russia.
    To show incompetence and malice of Russian shrinks.
    I will also attach that Ukrainian diagnosis.
    It too contradicts the Russian one.

    Already past 22:00 here, and time for me to sleep.
    Good night, dear friends!

    Current Mood: accomplished
    Current Music: Polygon - One Day
    Monday, April 18th, 2022
    7:04 pm
    Russian Consulate in Netherlands
    Russian consulate refuses to review any requests in English and demands me to speak Russian, which I will never do.
    The fact I'm a citizen of Russia doesn't mean I'm expected to speak Russian.

    Current Music: Electric Youth - The Life
    Sunday, April 17th, 2022
    6:58 pm

    Current Music: Tangerine Dream - Catwalk
    8:04 am
    Wrote to Russian consulate in NL

    Current Music: Tangerine Dream - Madagasmala
    7:17 am
    Dopomoga Rossiy

    Current Mood: amused
    Current Music: Electric Youth - Right Back to You
    Saturday, April 16th, 2022
    4:23 pm
    All Putin's issues come from his unmanliness.
    Putin is like Elliot Rodger who got real power.
    Yet he stayed absolutely insecure.
    Now imagine Putin starting HRT.
    Even staying in boy mode.
    Instantly his short stature would be normal.
    Absence of brow ridge would be acceptable.
    He would have never lost his hair.
    And retained confidence in himself.
    Without the need to "win wars."

    Everyone hates Putin, but I think he is really tragic personality.
    Little angry midget who never found his place in this world.
    A girl who tries to present herself as a man but fails to lift and gets no respect.

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