The Dead Kennedys Get Jello-ed
http://www.axisofevilmusic.com/video.html


From: Randy <...>
Subject: "DEAD KENNEDYS" LIVE With Jello!....Sorta
So, yeah, I didn't puss out. I woke up to my alarm at 2pm, made some
calls to the boys (Josh and Eric) and set this shit in motion! We left
town around 4:00 after picking up the guys and the digital camera from
Eric's work.

Anypoop, we do some ranting into the camera on the way there and got
there at about 5:30. First thing we did was hit Bell's for a pint of
the best stout around. Then I had to find ziploc bags for transport of
the weapon of choice. While I tooled around for bags, Josh was on the
phone talking to the Club Soda folk like we were from "Ten Eleven
Magazine out of Ann Arbor. Yeah, we emailed you about three of our
guys gettin' in..." That kinda blew up in his face when they confessed
that nobody at Club Soda has email. This prompted Josh to say "What?
Even I have fuckin' email!" So we had to pay $15 to watch "the
greediest karaoke band in the world". When we got inside we saw Nate
from RU486 formerly of Moltov. Evidently, Nate was in the right place
at the right time, cuz he was standing out front before the show and
someone from Club Soda asked if he and his bandmate, Matt, wanted to
be security for free admission. What fuckin' luck! The security force
that we had to deal with was our fuckin' friends! And they were in on
the joke from the get go.

So we waited thru 4 awful bands for the moment of truth (Actually, we
missed Don Knotts, but they're fuckin' awesome! Think Dead Milkmen
covered by Naplam Death). We had arranged earlier, over a pizza, that
we would make our move at the first chorus of the third song, but not
if it was Nazi Punks Fuck Off, we didn't want any retards to get the
wrong idea. As soon as I saw the singers face I was like "Oh yeah,
that's what the kid from 'courtship of Eddie's father' looked like."
Yeah, it was that kid, he was the singer for Dr. Know, who were
contemporaries of the Dead Kennedy's. First they played "Winnebago
Warriors", they didn't sound bad or anything, I mean, it was the Dead
Kennedy's and all, and the singers mic was fairly low in the mix, so
whatever. Then they played "Insight" and some chick stage dove and
landed upside down on her head! It looked pretty gruesome, but she was
a trooper about it. There just weren't enough people there for the
kinda shit. I'da put the number of fuckers at 100 at best.

Anypoop, so by the "We're all planning our careers" part of the song I
was gettin' ready with the bag o' slimey, 5 hours out of the fridge,
chunky, red goo that was the jello. They stopped after the song to ask
if the girl was alright for, what seemed like, forever! I was on the
left side, Josh was on the right. He picked East Bay Ray as the
target, so I got Klaus Fluoride. There was tons of kids on his side
and not many people on mine. My side was a bunch of older, thirty year
old types, kinda spread out, which I thought would make being
anonymous difficult. So they started "Police Truck" and my mind was
racing, "Okay, third song, when's the chorus? Where's Josh? Is he
gonna be ready? Where's Eric? Is he ready?" I peeled back the sides of
the bag filled with about 2 cups of jello and tried to keep it low.

"...it's the late late shift, no one to fear! Let's ride, oooooo how
we ride..." Go! And I threw the jello! Completely missing Klaus, maybe
hitting the drumset. Fuck! I stood there for a sec, looked around and
thought "No one saw?!?" Well, Klaus saw it wiz by but, no one knew
where it came from. I was lookin' around like everyone else, so I
didn't look suspicious. So, I took out the other bag and hurled it the
same way, only that one hit home. It kinda streaked across his chest,
a bit on his head and the rest flew all over the drums or D.H.
Peligro. I knew the jig was up by then and I made my way to the back
to see how Josh was.

Evidently, Josh was directly in front of Ray. He took a cup from the
bar and scooped out a bunch of jello. When he saw my first bag fly by,
he slopped a big heap right in Ray's face and down his shirt. He had
time for another helping while Ray looked down at the mess all over
him. From what Josh said he saw, and knowing the DK's are no strangers
to getting messy he looked like he was just kinda "Gee whiz, what's
this?" Until he realized it was jello. Now, from reading all the shit
on the AT page and hearing what happened next, I'm imagining that
there is some sort of programming inside Ray, that when the word
"jello" enters his mind, it sends him into a fit of rage. Josh said he
had never seen someone turn from "gee whiz" to "I'll kill you!" so
quickly as East Bay Ray, cuz when it became apparent that it was
jello, he attacked Josh with fervor! Nate was right behind Josh and he
pulled Ray off him right away. By that time, the bouncer and a few
opening band members were whisking Josh to the back and towards the
door. We all met up in the middle so I was right behind them. Josh
pulled his coat over his head and waited for the end. I walked behind
and got myself ready to bust fucker's heads if they took it beyond
getting him out of the bar.

They didn't. They threw him out and I pushed them aside and joined him
outside, as to present a tougher obstacle then his 100 pound ass. They
didn't come out. From the looks of it, they play by the same rules
that we do at the Pig, don't leave the bar. We walked casually down
the street, while the cashier yelled "I HOPE IT WAS WORTH PAYIN' FOR
IT!" My answer, "HELL FUCKIN' YEAH!!!"