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Below are the 19 most recent journal entries recorded in the "Abu Antos'" journal:| September 25th, 2011 | |
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| 11:45 pm [Link] |
Distressed Nation Turns To Poet Laureate For Solace Distressed Nation Turns To Poet Laureate For Solace SEPTEMBER 19, 2011 | ISSUE 47•38 FRESNO, CA—Struggling through difficult times marked by war, economic despair, and political turmoil, the nation turned en masse this week to its newly appointed poet laureate, seeking solace in his words as so many generations of Americans have before in the words of laureates past. Despondent citizens from across the country began gathering this weekend outside the Fresno home of 83-year-old Philip Levine, the California State University professor and poet who in less than two weeks will assume the widely celebrated title, beginning a yearlong term in which all Americans will turn their gaze upon him in search of hope and guidance. "We've long relied on our poet laureates as a beacon of hope in times of trouble," said 55-year-old car mechanic Chuck Burgess, who traveled from Minneapolis to keep vigil alongside the many thousands waiting for the sagely Levine to emerge from his two-story ranch house and take up his new mantle. "Their masterfully crafted verses and subtle explorations of interiority dispel the nation's fears in a way that nothing else can." "Right now, America is eagerly anticipating his words," added Burgess, later saying that he's been tracking Levine's work ever since it won the Levinson Prize from Poetry magazine in 1981. "We're counting on the discursive lyricism and shifting postures of fractiousness for which Mr. Levine's poems are renowned to lift our spirits." According to reports, copies of Levine's 2004 collection Breath have been pulled down from bookshelves in living rooms throughout the nation, with friends and family gathering to reread the new laureate's free verse testaments to the persistence of life in the presence of coming darkness. In addition, because the nation's 300-million-plus citizens don't want to miss a single word of what the poet has to say, continuous live news coverage from Fresno has preempted television programming on all channels. "There are few things Americans love more than poetry," said Miami-area real estate agent William Chen, who was among the masses assembled on Levine's front lawn. "At this point, one could even say that desire for intellectual stimulation through layered poetic musings might be the only thing holding our wounded nation together." The position of United States poet laureate was introduced in 1937, when Joseph Auslander became the first to receive the honor, his rarefied diction and reliably metered verses having provided comfort to a nation debilitated by the Great Depression. Since then, sources confirmed, his successors have unfailingly provided Americans with the poetry they need just to be able to get through their day. "Thank God this country has a poet laureate," recently out-of-work glassworker Mitch Tate, 44, told reporters. "Without [2004-2006 laureate] Ted Kooser's profound lines likening the destruction of a galaxy billions of miles away to a snowflake falling on water, I'm not sure we ever could have mustered the inner strength to overcome the devastation of Hurricane Katrina." While the majority of Americans have read all 20 volumes of Levine's poetry—as well as the collected works of each past laureate—most agreed that seeing on paper works such as 'The Water's Chant,' 'I Sing The Body Electric,' and 'On The Meeting Of García Lorca And Hart Crane' had only partly satisfied their needs. Now, sources said, it is absolutely essential they hear him read his poems aloud. "With so many Americans struggling to get by, it's no wonder they're craving more intellectual nourishment from their nation's poets," said Sen. Scott Brown (R-MA), standing among the cheering enthusiasts in Fresno. "The sheer excitement that overcomes our people when a poetry reading is announced tells you how badly we need this guy." "Speak to us, poet," Brown was later overheard saying as he gazed through Levine's window. "Invoke the muses and soothe our distempered hearts!" As of press time, Levine had reportedly stepped out his front door to meet the hysterical crowd, immediately pacifying them with his mere presence. "Be still, my children, and listen," said Levine, donning on a pair of wire-rim glasses, opening a brown leather-bound journal, and taking a seat on his porch swing. "I shall now read to you a poem entitled 'Milkweed.'" Tags: цыбулька |
| May 6th, 2011 | |
| 07:07 pm [Link] |
Obama Befriends Rich Elderly Widow In Hopes She'll Put Nation In Her Will watch the stock ticker! http://youtu.be/HwOjvmiBfDg Tags: цыбулька |
| July 8th, 2010 | |
| 12:48 pm [Link] |
Obama's Weekly Video Addresses Becoming Increasingly Avant-Garde Weekly Address: Jobs Creation from White House Weekly Address on Vimeo. WASHINGTON—Hailed as a sign of renewed government transparency when they began airing last year, President Barack Obama's weekly video addresses ( have grown increasingly experimental in recent weeks ) "My work speaks for itself," Obama said as he applied blackface makeup to prepare for the shooting of a new video called Ask/Tell/Die. "I can't tell the people of our great nation what to think or how to react. That's up to the viewer. All I'm looking for is an honest reaction— something that shocks the bourgeoisie out of its mind-numbing, plastic complacency for once and causes them to sit up and scream from the depths of their rotting bowels, 'Ahhhhh! Who are we and what is the nature of our existence?! We are like cockroaches marching into a bowl of spoiled milk to drown! We are all drowning!'" "That's all," he added. Tags: цыбулька |
| April 9th, 2010 | |
| 06:13 pm [Link] |
Republicans, Leukemia Team Up To Repeal Health Care Law WASHINGTON—( Citing a mutually shared vision of health care in America ) Tags: цыбулька |
| January 15th, 2010 | |
| 11:48 pm [Link] |
Montessori School Of Dentistry Lets Students Discover Their Own Root Canal Procedures NEW YORK—Inside the Montessori School of Dentistry, you won't find any old-fashioned cotton swabs, or so-called periodontal charts, or even any amalgam fillings. That's because at this alternative-learning institution, students are being encouraged to break away from medical tradition and discover their very own root canal procedures. "At Montessori, we believe dentistry is more than just the medical practice of treating tooth and gum disorders," school director Dr. Howard Bundt told reporters Tuesday. "It's about fostering creativity. It's about promoting self-expression and individuality. It's about looking at a decayed and rotten nerve pulp and drawing your own unique conclusions." "In fact, here at Montessori, dentistry is whatever our students want it to be," Bundt continued. Founded in 1981, and tailored after the teaching methods first developed by Italian-born educator Maria Montessori, the three-year academy offers a fresh and innovative approach to learning seldom found at more conventional schools of dentistry. Teachers—or "roving dental facilitators," as they prefer to be called—can be difficult to spot: They often choose to stay out of the way of their inquisitive pupils, and only make gentle suggestions as to how an infected root chamber should be drained. "When performing a root canal, there's no such thing as right or wrong," said Montessori educator Vanessa Perrin, who added that she doesn't so much teach her students how to treat an inflamed nerve, as lead them to an open mouth and then stand back. "Sure, we could say to our students, 'The enamel here has completely eroded and needs to be addressed immediately.' But what's more satisfying, what's more dynamic, is to just let them slowly develop an 'impression' of why a patient might be screaming." "We try to encourage our students to work with their patients in order to determine a successful course of action," Perrin added. "That's one of the many reasons why we don't believe in using any anesthesia during surgical procedures." According to administrators, the Montessori School of Dentistry strives to present an alternative to the dogmatic structure of other schools. In addition to being able to set their own curriculum, students at the private institution can take a break during long and involved operations if they grow bored or feel uninspired. The confining and antiseptic atmosphere of tradition is absent even from the classrooms themselves, relaxing environments that are sometimes filled with comfortable, overstuffed sofas rather than dentist chairs. "If a student is installing a crown, and feels midway through as though he or she would benefit more from, say, seeing where a tooth implant might lead, they can do that here," said Montessori professor Donald Scheneke, who told reporters that he sees the dentist office as a place for exploration and expression, not rules. "In here, there's no such thing as 'absentmindedly drilling through to the lower gum' or 'mistakenly pulling out the wrong maxillary lateral incisor.' I can't tell you the number of times I've seen people give up on the entire dentistry profession just because they were terrible at filling cavities." Recent graduates from the small, independent school agree. "Thanks to my professors at Montessori, I feel like I can handle any professional challenge that comes my way," Dr. David Greenblatt, DDS, said as a syringe filled with Novocaine dripped slowly into the back of a patient's throat and down into his lungs. "Or, at the very least, accept that it's not the end of the world if I can't." Tags: цыбулька |
| November 3rd, 2009 | |
| 10:07 am [Link] |
прапалітыку: Obama's Declaration Of Swine Flu Emergency Prompts Pro-Swine-Flu Republican Response Obama's Declaration Of Swine Flu Emergency Prompts Pro-Swine-Flu Republican Response OCTOBER 28, 2009 | ISSUE 45•44 WASHINGTON—Claiming that the president was preying on the public's fear of contracting a fatal disease last week when he declared the H1N1 virus a national emergency, Republican leaders announced Wednesday that they were officially endorsing the swine flu. "Thousands of Americans—hardworking ordinary Americans like you and me—already have H1N1," Republican National Committee chairman Michael Steele said during a press conference. "Now Obama wants to take that away from us. Ask yourself: Do you want the federal government making these kinds of health care decisions for you and your family?" Other prominent Republicans opposing Obama's declaration of emergency include Louisiana governor Bobby Jindal, who urged residents of his state to continue not washing their hands, and radio host Rush Limbaugh, who made a point of dying of the virus during his show on Wednesday. http://www.theonion.com/content/news_br Tags: цыбулька |
| August 25th, 2009 | |
| 05:29 pm [Link] |
цыбулька дастаўляе Congress Deadlocked Over How To Not Provide Health Care ( Read more... ) Tags: цыбулька |
| June 19th, 2009 | |
| 12:38 pm [Link] |
Obama Drastically Scales Back Goals For America After Visiting Denny's http://www.theonion.com/content/video/o Tags: цыбулька |
| June 8th, 2009 | |
| 01:40 pm [Link] |
The Onion outdid itself! http://www.theonion.com/content/news/ne ( New Terminator Movie Brings J.D. Salinger Out Of Hiding ) Tags: цыбулька |
| May 29th, 2009 | |
| 09:03 am [Link] |
Report: Increasing Number Of Educators Found To Be Suffering From Teaching Disabilities http://www.theonion.com/content/news/re ( Report: Increasing Number Of Educators Found To Be Suffering From Teaching Disabilities ) Tags: цыбулька |
| May 3rd, 2009 | |
| 11:07 am [Link] | Sherpa Who Led Neil Armstrong To Moon Dead At 71 ST. PETERSBURG, FL—Phurba Dorje, the lunar Sherpa guide who blazed the trail for the Apollo 11 astronauts and made it possible for Neil Armstrong to become the first white man to set foot on the moon, died peacefully in his sleep Monday in his Florida apartment. He was 71. ( Dorje, whose career with the U.S. space program spanned more than a decade ) Tags: цыбулька |
| November 5th, 2008 | |
| 04:47 am [Link] | Citizens with eyes, ears, and the ability to wake up and realize what truly matters in the end are also believed to have played a crucial role in Tuesday's election. |
| October 23rd, 2008 | |
| 11:20 am [Link] |
Oldie but goldie: Bush Or Gore: 'A New Era Dawns' Just to make sure I have a copy of this article, which, in my opinion, was the Onion's pinnacle: Bush Or Gore: 'A New Era Dawns' ( AUSTIN, TX, OR NASHVILLE, TN–In one of the narrowest presidential votes in U.S. history, either George W. Bush or Al Gore was elected the 43rd president ) Tags: цыбулька |
| September 16th, 2008 | |
| 06:27 am [Link] |
The Onion - Evolutionists Flock To Darwin-Shaped Wall Stain DAYTON, TN—A steady stream of devoted evolutionists continued to gather in this small Tennessee town today to witness what many believe is an image of Charles Darwin—author of The Origin Of Species and founder of the modern evolutionary movement—made manifest on a concrete wall in downtown Dayton.  Darwinic pilgrims claim the image fills them with an overwhelming feeling of logic. "I brought my baby to touch the wall, so that ( the power of Darwin can purify her ) Tags: цыбулька |
| March 22nd, 2008 | |
| 08:34 am [Link] |
The Onion nips it in the bud, as usual The Onion: ( Black Guy Asks Nation For Change ) Tags: цыбулька |
| May 29th, 2007 | |
| 06:14 pm [Link] |
The Onion videos The Onion now makes videos! Immigration: The Human Cost Current Music: New York Hardcore - Where The Wild Things Are |
| June 8th, 2006 | |
| 02:43 pm [Link] |
цудоўная цыбулінка Цыбулінка, як заўжды, цудоўная: NSA Wiretap Reveals Subject May Be Paying Too Much For Long-Distance Current Music: Кася Камоцкая - Шостае падарожжа |
| September 26th, 2005 | |
| 04:04 pm [Link] |
The Onion 'Hanging Out' Continues To Grow In Popularity Among Teens "I never intended it for use as a den of hanging out. I don't know what they're doing down there. Are they flipping out? Getting down? For all I know, they could be getting over, stylin' along, or jamming away. I'm scared." Tags: цыбулька |
| August 4th, 2005 | |
| 04:24 pm [Link] |
The Onion rules, as usual WASHINGTON, DC—A Department of Labor report released Monday finds that America's high schools are not sufficiently preparing emerging dropouts for the demands of unemployment. ( Read more... ) Tags: цыбулька |