Sorry, Snake can’t infiltrate Groznyj Grad right now, he’s busy speedrunning monkey hunts

I’m struggling to find interesting things to say about Metal Gear Solid Delta: Snake Eater. Or, at least, new things – in the ongoing debate over whether remakes should meaningfully tinker with the original or stay as faithful as possible, Delta is firmly in the latter camp. It’s MGS3, basically! It looks better and it runs worse! It’s been twenty-one years and I still mentally supplant most of the actual dialogue with Hiiimdaisy comic jokes! That one’s my fault, granted.

I am, however, liking Snake Vs Monkey, a recreation of the original’s Ape Escape crossover mode where you dash around tranquilising and capturing cartoon chimps against the clock. Partly because I never played it on PS2 – I cruelly denied Hideo Kojima his dues by only ever renting MGS3 from Blockbuster, and evidently didn’t feel sideshows were worth cutting into the two days before I had to give it back. But also because it’s a strangely compelling time attack minigame, one that took mere minutes to have me optimising ape-tranqing strategies to shave the seconds off.

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