nancygold's Journal
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Below are the 19 most recent journal entries recorded in nancygold's LiveJournal:

    Monday, September 12th, 2022
    12:17 pm
    Myrzin came to NL
    Another fake gay... or a real one?!!

    Hope I wont bump into this transphobic neo-nazi

    Current Mood: anxious
    Saturday, June 4th, 2022
    8:08 pm

    Current Mood: cheerful
    Wednesday, June 1st, 2022
    1:12 pm
    New Diagnosis
    It doesn't confirm my Russian autism and schizotypal personality disorders, yet confirms gender dysphoria.

    Checkmate, trolls and bullies!!!
    I will never see your Russia ever again!!!
    Enjoy you North Korea yourself!!!
    Hope in a few years I will get to Thailand and Philippines ^__^

    But I'm still sad about the few Russian transgirls I like.
    Hope they will get out.

    Current Mood: cheerful
    Current Music: Anachronox OST
    Wednesday, May 18th, 2022
    9:06 pm
    When I began transitioning
    So whatever people say, I was interested in transgenderism since around 2006:
    My nickname there is exanode, and I had female avatar back them. knows

    Shame I haven't transitioned back then. That would have solved all my issues. But I was completely isolated and in depression.

    Argonov after that went completely insane and released music about USSR 2.0 and a war with America. Should have too transitioned in the name of Queer Anarchism and Transhumanism. Otherwise it is impossible to build USSR 40k

    Current Mood: amused
    Current Music: Purple Motion - Second Reality
    5:55 pm
    Got move to the new camp
    I asked if they can move me with Antonina, but they decided to move me closer to psychiatric asylum and crematorium.

    I'm not joking, it is the next area down the road.

    Current Mood: accomplished
    Current Music: Daikatana - Modern Mystery
    Thursday, May 12th, 2022
    8:21 pm
    I’m Sorry for the Last Video

    Current Music: Leæther Strip - Worlock
    Saturday, May 7th, 2022
    4:57 am
    Meta-Meta Programming: Fixing the Bugs in Your Thinking
    Reddit banned me for the screenshoted post.
    So first the West tells me to join Russia.
    Then the West bans me when I agree to do that.
    What do the westerners even want from me?
    They don't want me in the west.
    They don't want me in the Russian army either.
    I'm sorry, but if you live in Russia, you have to defend Russia.
    And Russian people and culture too.
    Ukraine tries to genocide Russians and Russian culture.
    Which includes Lenin Komsomol central square.

    People say I should set immigration office door on fire, Pavlensky style.
    Or throw a egg at a Dutch politician.
    Except Dutch immigration service people are right.
    While I was wrong all this time.
    I believed that the West are the good guys.
    Liberals, for the world peace and accept everyone.
    But Russians were right. Westerners are the Nazis.
    Migration officials directly told me that Russians are right and I'm wrong.
    So I have to accept that. I'm crazy but not completely stupid.
    I can see my errors.
    I believed Ukrainians are fighting for freedom.
    But Ukrainians are just a bunch of unwelcoming Nazis.
    Ukrainian immigration service said I have no place in Ukraine.
    Despite my ancestors coming from Ukraine and me supporting Ukraine.
    So now I believe Putin that Ukraine actually murders the Donbass children.

    I'm a computer programmer.
    Sometimes I notice bugs in my software. I fix them.
    Sometimes entire design flaws need to be recognized.
    Same with my political views and hopes.
    The West shown that my views are flawed.
    I have fixed my worldview, just like I fix my programs.
    It was sad, because I had to admit I was wrong.
    That I haven't properly understood what is going on.
    I had to admit that I'm stupid and my thinking was flawed.
    But I had to come over myself and accept my mistakes.
    Same way I noticed that I have bugs with my emotions.
    And I began taking hormones to calm myself down.
    To remove the testosterone induced anger and hatred.
    Admission of errors is the first step to correct them.

    Unfortunately I have to forget the dream of becoming a girl.
    It is not that Putin hates transgenders.
    But the general Russian population is just not ready for that.
    If I want to live in Russia, I have to be in boymode.
    First Russia needs to liberate entire world.
    And only then we can discuss trans-humanism.

    Current Mood: sad
    Current Music: Scandroid - Purified
    Wednesday, May 4th, 2022
    2:05 pm
    Ужасы Голландии

    7:22 am
    Antonina has some really vicious haters
    Literally Veniamin type stalkers.
    They went to my youtube channel just to attack her,
    After they seen that photo of me with Babkina at a Dutch trans meeting.

    Why do Russians hate Antonina?
    She is not super successful to be jealous of.
    She is infantile, but I'm too, and many cis and trans girls in fact.
    She posted some mild russophobia, but never ever reached my levels.

    But I myself don't get such hatred. More like just direct threats of murder.

    Current Music: Alan Menken - The Little Mermaid Soundtrack
    Sunday, May 1st, 2022
    9:11 am
    Trans Meet-up
    Two Russian trans girls Nancy and Antonina, under the Ukrainian command of Anna.

    Anna has PhD and did teaching at Kyiv university, before that war began.

    Current Music: Irene Cara - What A Feeling
    Tuesday, April 26th, 2022
    6:51 pm
    Трансдевочка Нарушила Обет Молчания

    Tuesday, April 19th, 2022
    8:17 pm
    HRT Meds
    Soon I will get sissy pills prescribed legally.
    My life has just became much much easier.
    Next I need a proper gender dysphoria diagnosis.
    It will cancel the Russian schizotypal disorder one.
    And I will use it to defend myself against Russia.
    To show incompetence and malice of Russian shrinks.
    I will also attach that Ukrainian diagnosis.
    It too contradicts the Russian one.

    Already past 22:00 here, and time for me to sleep.
    Good night, dear friends!

    Current Mood: accomplished
    Current Music: Polygon - One Day
    Monday, April 18th, 2022
    7:04 pm
    Russian Consulate in Netherlands
    Russian consulate refuses to review any requests in English and demands me to speak Russian, which I will never do.
    The fact I'm a citizen of Russia doesn't mean I'm expected to speak Russian.

    Current Music: Electric Youth - The Life
    Tuesday, April 5th, 2022
    2:37 pm
    Upping the Hamster Game
    I fucking hate Ukraine getting attacked by Russia now. They engulfed the entire information space. If I do mass murder at GZA today, nobody will notice it and my effort will be in vain, because all news are preoccupied with Ukraine and Ukrainian refugees in Europe. Russia and Ukraine keep following me everywhere I go. :( now my bf found a Ukrainian trans girl, who is much cuter than me. I'm really jelly of her beauty, but she is absolutely patriotic. After reading my Reddit posts, she decided to return to Ukraine and enlist into the territorial defense (she was stuck in EU being on a tourist trip). Really crazy sister, and I don't know how to convince her to stay in NL. She has PhD and would be much better working in EU (super cute nerd girl in glasses, knows everything about HRT). Somehow my posts always have the reversed effect from my intent. I call trans girls to escape Ukraine, but they instead go there, feeling ashamed of being traitors.

    Returning to my struggle, GZA at the new AZC site is even less cooperative and refuses hormones and blood test like the GZA in Harderwijk. But the nurse here called police saying I'm threatening her and she doesn't feel safe. But Dutch cops don't really care about some trans girl posing danger for herself and the others (when she kills you, then you come report her). The nurse also tried to escalate my threats to her management, but they don't care either, or even want trans girls to bomb their offices. Do they really need a PR of a trans girl setting ablaze their offices? Then again, GZA approved HRT meds to almost all Ukrainian and Russian girl I know (even Tonya Babkina I heard got her pills instantly), so I'm some really special case for them and they apparently want to provoke me into mass murder.

    The nurse lady was somewhat nice and did everything in her power, so I told her to change the place of work as soon as possible. I think are far more evil people who actually deserve to die.

    Anyway, there is a single door to the GZA offices, and if I manage to block it, everyone inside will burn alive, like the fucking transphobic hamsters they are. You can report me to cops for the 9000th time, but Dutch cops just don't care, even if you show them bomb and guns, which you are about to use for a mass murder. Although they can indeed help me by referring me for an emergency psychiatric examination.

    TLDR: Ukrainians please stop the war, so I can proceed with the final chapter of my life. I need the calm information space so everyone will notice and I will push the transgender agenda awareness in the respect-pronouns-or-burn-alive way.

    Current Music: Daemonia - Suspiria
    Sunday, April 3rd, 2022
    7:48 am
    Witchhunt Escalates

    Current Music: Avicii - Broken Arrows
    Saturday, April 2nd, 2022
    2:52 pm

    Current Music: Alan Menken - Little Shop Of Horrors
    Thursday, March 31st, 2022
    6:16 pm
    Today Dutch arrested me and accused of "Sedition". It is probably the result of me bitching for some time about NL government being Nazi with hormones prescription and the general Dutch mistreatment of trans girls. Now they believe I'm a danger to their Reich's national security.

    Yesterday another trans girl stayed with me. We practiced make-up and cuddled a bit. It was a somewhat late, so she stayed in my room for a sleepover (there is a free bed). Today. Early morning. Somebody knocks on the door. It is the police. I'm used to the morning police visits since living in Russia, but my sister was confused and scared sh1tless. At least Dutch cops don't beat you during arrest.

    As I understand Dutch security service really disliked my posts, calling Ukrainian transgenders, who are denied exit from Ukraine, to cooperate with the Russian military intelligence out of spite. But it seems Dutch generally dislike free speech. They also threatened with charging me with terrorism ("you want to bomb a school, admit it!!"). In the end people who told me that I wont find a country better than Ukraine were right.

    I think Dutch can also charge me with human trafficking. Interrogator explicitly asked me "what do you think about helping people?" And then about helping other refugees. Because I tried to help bringing two African trans girls to NL, and messaged a lot of groups about that, while advising the girls how to get into EU. But I don't care about Dutch laws, only about my sisters. So again here by definition I'm a danger to Dutch state security.

    Dunno why they let me out of jail for now. Super strong Russia vibes from my stay here. I spent 3 years in Ukraine and nobody touched me. Here in NL I got beaten, my laptop and phone were confiscated by cops, I was charged for that beauty salon, employees of which beaten me, and today they accuse me of sedition of all things!

    I'm thinking about using the pretext of NL persecuting me under a political article to apply in another country. That cancels the Dublin convention. I think Dutch are hinting that I should get out, and that the Dutch security service got angry that I reapplied. Maybe in Portugal they accept trans girls? And it is a warm country ^__^

    Current Mood: aggravated
    Wednesday, November 3rd, 2021
    6:28 pm
    Hi, girls!

    My story just turned from worse to ridiculous.

    Some time ago I described being beaten at a beauty salon, after asking them to do laser hair removal on my beard. Because it is a big sin in Islam to remove man's beard.

    Unfortunately for them, they decided to assault me right in front of their own reception desk, which resulted into the reception desk computer being damaged and them losing the clients database. So they are mad now and demand me to pay 8000 euro (I can provide a photo of the letter). Apparently that is the price label for them beating me. Part of the beauty salon's special treatment? Well... I'm still new in the Netherlands...

    Unfortunately I never had such an amount of money and I doubt I will ever have. So if they win the case, they will have to lobby for the Netherlands to allow me to stay here, before I repay the debt. And, well, in that fight they've also damaged my phone, after taking it from. The police have recovered it, yet with scratches and the charger port was malfunctioning, finally ceasing working yesterday. I decided not to fix it, because it is a boyish Samsung of masculine blue color, so I had to use the rest of my savings to buy a cheap $1000 iPhone 13 replacement (this time red), because iPhone seems more girly device and is marketed primarily to ladies. I still have some money on my COA card (which accumulated due to me fasting and losing weight), but I will likely spend it on piercing and hormones, before the court date. So yeah, recommend some cool exclusive iPhone apps and places to do piercing in, after I pierce my ears (already made an appointment, I hope it won't hurt too much). I think a Lisp lambda logo tattoo wont hurt either, but first I need to lose the rest of my excessive weight and muscles (I got some nasty muscles from pulling myself up and jogging), then get my skin recovered, otherwise the tattoo will look terrible after I lose weight.

    Anyway, it is so bad already, nothing can't get any worse now. If court orders me to pay these money, that can be used as an excuse to legally stay in NL, avoiding deportation to Putin's Gulag (where Russians will beat meat further), and Dutch will have to give me a work permit, because otherwise no way I will be able to work and earn money.

    And the letter they sent me is evil on so many levels, because it refers to me as "heer" and uses the name "Nikita". I told the police to call me Nancy, but Dutch government just loves to dead-name people. Not much better than Russians in that regard. Is it so hard to just refer to me by some unique number they use in their database? I will also ask the court judge to refer to me as Nancy and use female pronouns. Dunno what the judge will do, but that will likely get him/her annoyed, which results into something non-nice. But honestly, I just don't care anymore. Let them do their worst.


    Current Mood: amused
    Tuesday, October 26th, 2021
    8:42 am
    Dutch are smart.
    While the local Muslims do openly hate and beat LGBT people, just like the Russians, Netherlands looks somewhat different from Russia and Ukraine. For example, in the former USSR countries, electricity carrying lines all go through the air, but in Netherlands all electricity goes under the ground. That makes the landscape less like the socialist dystopia, while at the same time reduces the danger of somebody getting electrocuted, if the electric cable falls onto the ground, or if a helicopter or a drone crashes into the electric grid, which happens during a foggy weather, where a thin cable goes unseen by the pilot.

    Rain water also quickly gets underground, because both pederstrian and car roads are made with a slight convex curve, so water doesn't stay on the road, but escapes into the ditch and and then into the channel, where it belongs. In addition, water carries out all the dirt with it, making roads much cleaner than the average Russian house interior. That is compared to Russia, where all roads have the opposite - concave curve, preventing the water from escaping for months, until it evaporates or freezes, creating the ice danger.

    Dutch are smart at city engineering, and can achieve a lot with very little effort put at the right place.

    Dutch are also smart in the way they tackle the LGBT issue. Compared to openly hostile Russia and Ukraine, Dutch approach is a rather non-direct and avoids confrontation with transgender people. I've already mentioned, that Dutch have enormously long wait times, which are intended to dissuade the people from actually breaking the gender norms by beginning HRT. Now Dutch are also trying to subvert the entire revolutionary part of the LGBT discourse by hiring these influencers among the LGBT. For example, Dutch and other "smarter" countries now push this idea that young people don't need to change their gender, because the entire concept of gender is "obsolete", and therefore by wanting to be girls, transgender people act counter-revolutionary and participate in body-shaming. Instead transgenders must accept their nature, their male genitals, their toxic testosterone and their body hair.

    So the Dutch is this Devil, who paves the road to Hell with "good" intentions, trying to control the people like it controls the water, with a system of dikes. "Preacher likes the cold."

    Current Mood: contemplative